It took me a long time to be able to admit it, but humbly i must say fear is what drove my decision that night in India where i had forced myself into believing God was calling me home. The world race was over for me and there was no way I’d ever go again because that’d mean i had to admit i was wrong. Sitting at the airport with my squad leader and team leader i can almost gauruntee i knew i was wrong but it was too late for me so i had to push on believing the lie that God was calling me home. I was originally a part of the July 2013 T Squad and after 4 months i was no longer on that journey with them.
So there you have it fear and condemnation won i lost and it was game over for me right? WRONG absolutely 100% wrong
After months of sitting back in America feeling defeated and just begging God to give up on me I felt His call again. He couldn’t be calling me to go on the world race again no way He would want to use someone who walked away from the very calling he placed on their life. But He persisted with me and after a lot of prayer and seeking out wisdom i chose to re apply for the race. So pretty simple right? my choices had been redeemed and i was going to go on the race again in january of 2015. It would have been as simple as that but the story doesn’t end there.
Over this past summer i had things and opprotunities put in front of me so i placed a self imposed time limit on me going to seminary to get a youth ministry degree. I completely alone decided i needed to go to seminary right away and without properly seeking God over it i said no to going on the race. I put Gods stamp of approval on the decision when in reality it was all me. I let myself believe i knew what God wanted for me better than God Himself.
So at this point i had left the world race early and said no to going on a second one clearly theres no way God would still call me back to the race right? WRONG again
Everything was seemingly going great for me and then before i knew it God swept everything away from me and i felt completely lost and confused. God knew what He was doing though because when He had stripped me down to nothing He finally had me alone and i had no one to turn to but God. The race kept coming up and i kept saying no but Thank God His patience reaches way beyond my stubbornness. He stayed persistant and finally i chose to give all my trust to Him and say yes. He wasn’t going to let me stand in the way of the calling He has placed on my life.
So now i can sit here humbly saying to yall i am going on the world race again that i will finish and finish strong at that. It’s not because of anything i can do or say but simply because of God. We serve a God full of Mercy, Grace, and Forgiveness at the end of the day we all deserve nothing but His Grace knows no bounds. His plans for me are way beyond anything i could ever imagine and in September i will embark on this 11 country 11 month mission trip to let God finish what He started in me.
To T Squad even though i have already said it i am sorry that i left the way i did and couldn’t be more thankful for the time i spent with yall. Yall truly impacted and changed my life forever. And to my new squad i am excited to see what God has in store for us. There may be days with fear and doubt but through Christ we can do all things.
Philippians 4:13
