We stepped out of the van and were immediately bombarded with thoughts of unbelief. Our surroundings were a chain link fenced building with a small fire and a small pot cooking something over it. As we begin to find out from our contact that we were dealing with. He told us that there were around 95 kids some of which haven’t eaten in weeks. The go-go’s as they are called are grandma’s that cook for the kids. They said they get a shipment of food once a month, Sometimes. There were kids running around and playing with us. We left there and went to 3 more places some better with actual schools in place and people being fed. There were others where they would be alright if they could get water, which is a whole other issue. We left there and Gary asked what I was feeling and I said Discouraged. The vision that Gary has is awesome. He has teamed up with some local Swazi businessman that have money and are willing to help finance some mercy homes and schools and anything else we find needs for. But the immediate circumstances are hard and almost hopeless. It isn’t a game. It isn’t just some fun mission trip, this is real life and people are dying and starving.
The hard part for me was I guess actually grasping that this thing exists. I got back and my team wanted to know what I was feeling. What I had seen and was it something we could go and do as a team. To be honest I think I said everything I could to discourage my team from going and doing this. I told them it would be hard and nothing was set up and we might not accomplish anything. And despite everything I said they all wanted to go.
I was still distressed over the whole issue, because I was scared of what it might cost. If I go here and see that there are people starving can I live my life in the same way. Can I still buy junk I don’t need, but want. Is it ok to eat a candy bar when I know that kid I played with earlier hasn’t eaten in a week and may not eat for a couple more. Is it ok to sleep in a sleeping bag in a tent on a pad when there are kids sleeping on dirt with nothing. All these questions ring through my head. I know it is shallow but the point is much deeper. For so long I have just been able to ignore it. As not to be mean or judge mental, but so many people do. It is just easier to worry about my needs and wants then that there really are hurting people that simple just want to eat.
Despite my hesitations and desires not to go. I and the team really feel the Lord calling us out to this place and in all honesty I don’t know what to expect. It is going to change my perspectives on a lot of things. So please prayer for my team and I as we go into this much needed place of ministry.
