This is a blog that I wrote and meant to post back in October. I hope you find it helpful in some aspect of your life. Blessings!
Courageous- the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.
Courageous. What does that mean? What does that even look like?
As I began to prepare for my training camp, I had no idea what to expect. There were the feelings of nervousness, excitement, anxiousness, anxiety, adventure, and the question of whether or not I was ready to actually go and meet my squad for the first time. I mean who wouldn’t be nervous about meeting about 45 people or so for the first time? Apparently this guy! Meeting someone for the first time for me is always a daunting task. The anticipation had been well prolonged, and the time had come for the beginning of newly found friendships. By the way, meeting everyone for the first time was a piece of cake. Sure there’s the slight awkwardness at the beginning, but once you get past it you become family. Truly a beautiful thing!! But as the days passed, all the differences and butterflies went away.
I’m not going to let you in on all the wonderful things that happened at training camp, but I will let you in on a few things. First off, the C-Squad (my Squad/group) represented and came away with the bragging rights as the best squad while at training camp. But past the fun and games, there were tough times as well. There were times at camp where God completely stretched me in ways I hadn’t been stretched in a long time. A key example is when we were inserted into simulations of the lives of people we will come in contact with. That happened to fall on Saturday, October 22 (my birthday of all days), which seemed to be the toughest day of all. Granted we had to eat some nasty food, travel and pack up our gear almost every other day, and create our own shelter and cook our own food, but nothing was tougher than that Saturday night. After putting ATL (Ask the Lord) into practice and spending the evening with my Team Empowered Light in town, nothing could’ve prepared me for what was to come that night. Once we arrived back at training camp, we noticed almost what seemed like photo booths in the mall where you take cute pictures with friends. I figured we were going to take pictures with our new team members, but boy was I wrong. As we filed into the pavilion area, we were prompted to each grab a piece of material which we would soon use as a blind fold. They soon numbered us off 1-6 and put us into different corners of the pavilion. They gave instructions that we were simulating I believe a war zone area that had just been hit by bombs. In this mass confusion, we were supposed to find our families and stay together. Blindfolded and ready to go, loud simulations of mass chaos and noise played as everyone yelled and screamed the names of the people in their groups, as each tried to find the ones they belonged to. Five minutes after no success, the simulation ended. I thought to myself, “Wow, this isn’t that bad.” But the reality hadn’t hit me yet of what was actually happening and the point they were trying to get across to us. So after that, I felt pretty good. Soon after, we were told to get in our groups and our next task was to get through the booths that I had assumed were for taking group photos. Boy was I WRONG!!!! These booths represented border lines in which we were supposed to crossover to get to safety. There were just a few problems with that. The guards at each border didn’t speak our language, and each group had an injured or sick person in their family. Soon after, the exercise began. I figured, “This can’t be too hard.” So I gathered up the family to try and cross the border and we were immediately turned down. For one, the country we were going to didn’t allow sick or injured people to come into their borders, so we already had a predicament on our hands. Apparently we would have to do whatever it took to get to the other side. This included bribing with money, possibly speaking the language, or just sheer mercy and pity from the guards stationed at each border. I offered money but had it taken from me. I pleaded with the guards, but I was forced back. Nothing seemed to work. In the meantime a woman came around claiming to be with the U.N., and she even offered us a ride to safety. The only thing about that was she would never offer and prove that she worked for the U.N. She claimed that she couldn’t share that info, and when she did take someone, she would only take one person with her at a time. People became suspicious with this behavior and began to ignore because what she was saying just didn’t add up. Finally someone came around handing out paperwork that could possibly get us into the country we were trying to seek refuge in. One of our girls scribbled down some chicken scratch onto the sheet of paper and then went over to the booth. Not long after being there, she came back smiling with five pieces of paper that allowed us to get into the country. A huge sigh of relief came over me. As we approached the border, we were stopped because of the paralyzed person in the group. There was no way they were going to let her into their country. We pleaded with the guard, but there was no change in their decision as they took us across their border leaving our family member behind. I then thought to myself, “Hmmm…at least we’re gaining freedom.” I mean the country we were going to had guards who spoke English to us, so it couldn’t be all that bad. Hopefully someone would take our family member in and provide for her or have better luck getting her across the border back to us. So as we began to walk off into the dark, we noticed families that had already crossed the border into “freedom.” But as we were walking into what seemed like this freedom, I soon realized that something wasn’t right. They were in lines with their heads down. The guards told us to be quiet and put our heads down as well. I thought to myself, “What the heck is going on?” I thought we were going into freedom and were going to be given a warm place to stay with food and drink. WRONG!! Not only did we just leave a country that was in chaos, but we had just walked into one that intended to put us into slavery. At that point I just thought whatever. This will be done soon, and I won’t have to deal with it anymore. After about five minutes of being out there, one of the girls began to cry after seeing one of our other squad mates crying. At that moment, I figured the best thing I could do was try and hold her hand to bring some kind of comfort. That didn’t help at all. As she cried into the small of my back, this simulation was no longer fun and games. It had become a reality to me and was no longer any fun. They soon took Hannah off which really made me angry. I began to tell my team to take steps forward as the guards were distracted with new families entering this new found “freedom.” They soon noticed our movement and told us to back up. At that point I started to become vocal. They told me to be quiet but I persisted with words such as “I’m an American Citizen, I have rights!” Haha, like they really cared. They soon sent me back across the border back into the country I had just come from. I thought to myself, at least I don’t have to be quiet and stand in some stupid line now. But as I stood there as one of the few still on this side of the border, it all hit me at once. I saw a family desperately pleading to get across the border with the paralyzed with no success. Immediately I said, “This is stupid and I don’t want to do this anymore.” The purpose of this exercise had hit me. That there were actual people I would come in contact with that were actually going through these same situations, except mine was just an exercise. At that moment I began to become angry. I wondered why they had to make us go through this exercise. Why couldn’t they just sit us down and tell us in deep detail of what people had to go through instead of just throwing us into this crazy hell? It made no sense to me. My anger began to build, and finally they stopped the exercise. They soon explained to us the purpose of this exercise was for, and also shared that the U.N. workers were really sex traffickers who gave words of hope to desperate people in need. Families who thought they were benefiting their loved ones by sending them with the “U.N.” were actually sending them into an unforeseen “slavery” without even realizing it.
At that point I had enough with it all. I was angry and so sick of the entire process, and was ready to go home to put it all behind me. So for the rest of that night and into that morning, I kept to myself and was quite. After breakfast that next morning, I began to process everything and God began to reveal things to me. He showed me that in all of those things I was trying to rely on my own strength instead of us. At that point, I had strong conviction and realized that God was right. There was no way I would be able to get through that time or the next 11 months without His help.
Now four months later, I find myself in need of God’s strength again. I’ve been relying on Him, but not fully. Times can be tough while on The World Race. People clash, feelings are jeopardized, but with His strength I can get through the day much easier. So when things seem to become impossible and you feel like there is no hope, look to God and let Him fill you back up with Him. You weren’t meant to carry the junk by yourself. Christ died for you so that you could give Him your problems and burdens. God desires for us to bother and pester Him. He longs for our attentions and problems. He longs to give us peace and rest, so go to the Savior and allow the Living Water to quench your thirst.
Blessings and thank you so much for your support,
Andrew Holloway
