This is probably one of the least humbling posts that I will have to make, but right now it feels pretty humbling. I started off doing the World Race b/c I wanted to serve, but probably mostly b/c I wanted to grow in my intimacy with Jesus. And don't get me wrong, I still long for this. Like seriously, I am desparate to know Jesus, deeply and intimately. However, a little distraction has crept in that I wasn't expecting: preparing for the Race. At first, I really wanted to get my money raised b/c I really wanted to go on the Race b/c I really wanted the 2 things that I had mentioned above to happen. Then, as I started raising money and I started noticing how hard it was to raise, I started to get competitive and really want to get my money to go on the Race. Notice, I said MY money. This is a good hint to me that this thing is becoming an idol. It's not MY money. If the Lord wants me to have it for the trip, He'll provide it, but i'm certainly not entitled to it. I noticed in this fundraising process that I have become desparate to go on the Race, and that worries me. Now i'm wondering, is the World Race a means to an end of me growing in my relationship with Jesus and really, truly knowing Him? Or is God a means to the end of me going on the Race? If so, this whole thing is pointless. And no, I don't have an answer. But like the Psalmist I pray that God would search me and know my heart, and incline my heart to His Truth. I don't want a great thing that I decided to go on so I could grow in my relationship with Jesus and be a part of Restoration to turn into an idol, the ultimate thing that I put above God. Father, change my heart, incline my heart to your truth and burn away the things that compete for your love on the throne of my heart.
