This is the first blog ive posted since ive been here in Guatemala. And a ton has happened. We´ve gotten a truck stuck in mud deeper than ive ever seen, a bug jumped out of a full coke bottle and stung my lip (seriously?!), we´ve met some incredible people (pastor arnoldo, Arturo and his son, arturo, irv and sally), hiked up volcanoes, climbed up adobe house ruins, and slept in a hammock every night because i didnt bring my tent. (i know dad, i wasnt prepared ha).
But this blog isnt about any of those things. This is the sequel to my blog entitled "Confessions". If you havent read that, read that before reading this.
Our squad had sessions every night this week and we shared about our deepest fears, `past hurts, and experiences that led us to where we are now. The kind of vulnerability shared is literally indescribable, and the ish people have been through in life is enough to make you cry. It´s hurtful, embarrassing, humiliating, and frankly, i think that if this had happened in a regular group of people or even in a "normal" christian setting, the only thing that would have followed would have been gossip, strife, and judgement. But that didnt happen here. Through everyone sharing, God opened our eyes to see how broken EVERY one of us are and just how badly we are in need of the grace of God and the healing hands of Jesus. And this changed everything. There is forgiveness and grace among our squad. We love hard, carry joys and burdens. And i think we are beginning to see that we arent the great white help coming to save the world, because we are just as broken and in need and only Jesus can do that.
So thats what im learning, its ok to not be ok, because Jesus is ok and He covered my not ok. Thats the only message we can bring to anyone, Jesus heals and changes. I don´t.
So in our meeting time I shared with our squad that I know that God loves me, but im not really sure what that means for my life, that I have trouble trusting Him, and that I really dont know what it feels like to be loved by God and to rest in that. And yes i know that faith is not a feeling, but i know that there is a joy that comes from God that is deeper than any feeling. And what happened? Did the squad judge me? No. Did they tell me what to do to fix myself? No. Matt, mikkia, and zack followed me when I left the room and hugged me and prayed for me. 2 other came up later and asked if we could fast and pray for God's presence and joy together because its hard for them to feel as well.
Thats why i love my squad and my team. And i´m pursing God, because I know He is good and is my joy even when I cant understand or feel it. So i want Him. I want to really KNOW and EXPERIENCE this joy that comes from loving Him and trusting that He is everything. so my prayer warriors out there, that´s what I need prayer for this week, that I would tangibly see and experience the love of God, not in some weird charismatic way (not that charismatics are weird but you know what i mean), but in a way so deep that I know and love the Father. And that i would love my team and squad by His strength. Love yall
chambeezy
