I
turned 26 a couple weeks ago when we were in Nepal, which triggered something
in my mind and caused me to start reflecting on my life….and what I’m doing
with it. I don’t think this was
necessarily a bad thing, and don’t worry I’m not having an upper-twenties life
crisis, but I did start to realize how unusually unplanned my life is right
now. The World Race ends in less than two
months so naturally many people have already started talking about plans after
the Race, yet personally I don’t have any specific plans for what I’m going to
do or where I will even live. I have new
beliefs I want to explore further and vague ideas for what ministry will look
like in my life going forward, but nothing clear in my mind.
I
say this is unusual because it’s so contrary to how I used to live. Starting fairly young, probably in high
school, I was always the type of person who had some sort of a plan. Even if it wasn’t well organized, I always
seemed to have “something in the works”…usually something that benefited me in
some way or another. I became career
oriented quite young and basically started working as soon as I could drive,
even though I never had any financial struggles, thanks to my upbringing. Even while getting mixed up in all sorts of
drugs, sex, and alcohol during my high school & college years, I still
managed to get good grades, get accepted into an amazing college, and land a
great job two weeks after graduating.
I
remember how much time I would spend in the career center at my university
working on my resume, researching different career paths, and trying to figure
out how to build my own world, as I wanted it, and as quickly and effectively
as I knew how at the time. I would research
different saving plans, IRA’s, and investment options, for how I could put my
money into the bank while I was still young so that by the time I was older I
would be set for retirement. People
would even tease me that I’d probably be a financial “planner” when I was
older, which encouraged me to intern with an insurance company one summer (please
realize I’m not attempting to bash anyone who does these things, but am simply
trying to show you how I used to think.)
So
fast-forward to present day Ukraine, where I am currently living with a family
of 16, which includes several adopted children. My first evening walk here
included a dip in the Black Sea. Yesterday,
I spent the entire day learning Russian while trying to figure out the train
and bus system so that we could buy tickets for our squad to Romania. I’m living out of a backpack, wearing the same
underwear three times a week, and I’ve learned to carry a roll of toilet paper
and hand sanitizer everywhere I go. I
prayed for our neighbor this morning who was on her way to the hospital to get
a cast for her broken arm, yet returned home this afternoon with a clean bill
of health from the doctor. I haven’t watched
the news or read a newspaper in longer than I can remember and don’t even have
a clue who the governor of California is right now. I drink my coffee every morning with milk
straight from the cow and have learned to embrace whatever strange food, that I
can’t pronounce, is placed in front of me.
One of the girls on our squad might be air lifted from the hospital in
Crimea back to Switzerland because she has a severe case of Malaria for the
second time. This list could go on and
on…
So
how does one plan for these sort of things?
Honestly, I can’t predict what random events or tragedies will happen
tomorrow or even as I sleep tonight.
However, I do know, more than ever, that God will never leave me and
that He is always good. I am learning to
trust in Him for everything, especially right now for my future, which
is so contrary to the idea of security and structure I’ve grown up around.
Although the race has not concluded yet, transitioning
from this season of life into whatever is next is very exciting for me right now…and
I’m not exactly sure why. I find myself
almost giddy sometimes, filled with excitement and anticipation of good things
to come. I know from my past how quickly
my decisions can take me in such different directions, yet I have become content
with not knowing what is next. There is
something so amazingly freeing about living a life of abandonment (holding less
and less tightly to what I think is mine) and trusting my life more and more to
God each day. Most logic in this world,
and probably in the church, would tell me that I need a plan, that I am naïve,
and need to be more prudent with my future, but honestly I’m okay with where I’m
at right now. I want to be more
dependent on God. I like it and I’m
excited for each day. For me, this is
good enough, but what do I know…I’m only 26!
P.S. Enjoy the video below from my time in India!
