Most of my life I have worried way too much about what people think about me. I have made many decisions based around what other people’s reactions will be, whether they will still like me, and how they will view me. Honestly, I have even stressed about posting some of my blogs; writing what I really think and feel in my heart, since I know that many people reading this have known me for a long time. Each time I write something vulnerable or serious or something that sounds like I’m preaching, I get a nervous and anxious feeling in my gut. I often get the same feelings after having hard conversations with teammates, challenging people, after preaching, etc. I wish I didn’t and it has bothered me more and more lately, but I’ve realized that it has been because I still fear man and not God alone.
Some of the children sleeping at Noah’s Ark Children’s Ministry Uganda, which is an organization focusing on adopting and raising abandoned children.
At the beginning of this month I posted a blog title “What is God’s will?� While this was easy for me to write (since it was a message that God gave me), it was very difficult for me to post….fear began to creep into my mind as I wondered what people would think of me/have I lost my mind? During this time, I was staying at a hostel in Kampala, Uganda with my teammate Ryan, waiting for the rest of our squad to arrive from Rwanda. The same afternoon I posted the blog, I began feeling that same nervous/anxious feeling in my gut, which I was starting to get way to used to…..so I decided to go pray or in actuality complain to God about it.
I headed up to the second story balcony overlooking a large grass field behind the hostel. As I began pacing back and forth I thought I heard God say, “you’re a freak.� Not really believing God would say that, I shrugged it off and continued my rant towards Him. Moments later I heard God again, “you’re a freak….to the world.� This time I was certain God was trying to tell me something (if I would just stop talking and listen). He continued, “you’re not supposed to look like the world, you’re not supposed to act like the world does, you’re not supposed to talk like the world does, you’re not supposed to think like the world does…�
One way to feed 120 children…
While this was not what I was expecting God to say, it made sense to me and I Immediately felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. An amazing peace and contentment came over me. I felt free once again to be okay with who I was…to love myself. I had an instant realization that as a Christian I’m supposed to do things differently from the world. Following Jesus takes us on a “narrow path� that shouldn’t look like other people’s lives. Jesus contradicted the world, He did things differently, He shook things up a lot, and He rubbed many people the wrong way.
I had been carrying an extra burden that God didn’t want me to. While I was being obedient by sharing the message He was giving me, I was still worrying about how others would receive the message, rather than being content with just obeying God and getting my approval and acceptance from Him. This realization has made a big difference for me lately and I believe that God is going to continue to give me messages to share…often tough messages. However I know now, that if the intent of my heart is in the right place, a place of love towards people, that God will keep me at peace regardless of what message I speak on behalf of Him!
We “attempted” to cook our contacts an American dinner one night, since they serve us night and day. The results were a little off, but our intentions were noted!
