We volunteered at a music festival this past weekend where 5,000(roughly) people came from different parts of Australia. I’ve never been to one. I felt like I was in a fog almost the whole day. That morning before we left I had been processing some things from sharing my testimony a few days prior. I was a hot mess before we had to go, but these are the days on the race that make us strong! So, I went and tried to shut off some of my emotions, but God pulled them out with a girl that I ended up meeting.
Serving water to the massive crowd, I felt like a zombie. I wanted to do more than just hydrate a crowd of intoxicated people. I wanted to get to the root of why they were there. I had went out of the event space to take a little walk and catch my breath when a man stopped Lauren and I, asking us to help a girl that wasn’t even allowed inside because she was so mentally gone. This time turned into a couple hours of comforting this girl while she puked and cried out her pain that she was going through. I held her until she fell asleep. She had so much hurt in her life which also brought up more pain that I was feeling. After she woke up, she didn’t recall what we talked about and that was okay because I know God used Lauren and I to show her His love. And boy does He love her!
Shortly after she walked away, I stated to feel overwhelmed again. By this point people are getting more intense: fights are breaking out and people don’t even know they’re leaving with a complete stranger, not to mention the hookups on the beach. I didn’t know how to channel how I was feeling.
Next thing I know I find myself walking against the massive crowd as they are leaving the small entrance of the festival. Looking into people’s eyes, they didn’t even look like people anymore. I was ready to let loose and finally weep for all of it. Once I got to our meeting spot, I sat on a rock with my squad mate Victoria and lost it. I wept for these people. If I can feel this strongly, how must God feel?
In the midst of this I remembered a time in the Bible where Jesus wept, but still had hope. John 11:17-44 is a story where Jesus plans to raise a man named Lazarus from the dead. Lazarus’ sisters, Mary and Martha, are in deep distress and are upset that Jesus didn’t come sooner to heal their brother. Even though Jesus assures them that Lazarus will rise again, the sisters doubt. Jesus doesn’t question the outcome. He’s about to do a miracle, yet He still feels for Mary and Martha and weeps for them. He joins in their pain because He’s THAT empathetic. Although He wept, He had great joy because He knew the goodness of God.
Once I started to calm down, I started to feel an overwhelming sense of hope. As I cried, I felt the Lord’s heart for these people and knew that He was doing all he could to save them from the world. My purpose in these times are not to shut off my emotions, but rather let myself feel them knowing that God is doing all He can. He is doing the work that I don’t see. That is the faith we are called to have in Him.
