I know that some of you have been eagerly waiting to read a
blog about training camp from me. I have
been working over in my head what to tell you all about this truly amazing
experience. I am going to be somewhat
vague and not give a whole bunch of details as to the events we did, because I
don’t want to ruin this experience for future racers who may read this. If you know me and you want to know what we
did then please ask because I would love to share with you.
It is hard to put into just a few words what training camp
has been, other than amazing. We pulled
in last Friday night and there were just people everywhere. 119 racers and a bunch of staff and serve
team members. To say it was overwhelming
would be an understatement. Everyone was
mingling trying to meet everyone else and it was crazy, but good. You could feel the excitement in the air
under that tent. I wouldn’t say that I
was dreading this, because I wasn’t, but I sure wasn’t as excited as some
people to be here. To me it was just
another thing on my calendar that I was doing. Sort of like a check for my to do list once it was over. I mean I was eager to meet my teammates and
see the few who I had already met, but I wasn’t like “Oh my gosh World Race
Baby!!!” I met some cool people and
after unpacking called it a night.
We had some great teaching sessions and some great chances
to get to know each other better, but even though I was enjoying camp I felt
like I wasn’t totally participating in camp. Like I was sitting around with my squad mates, but not really feeling
engaged with them. I was trying to
engage with them, but I just couldn’t somehow. I didn’t understand why, until about the third day of camp. At our evening session we talked about having
a spirit of fear and of rejection. It sort
of hit me, but not a whole lot and when we were asked to raise our hands if we
felt that we needed prayer for these things I didn’t raise mine. Then, we were asked to talk to God and ask
Him who to prayer for and then go do it. I stood there and I got nothing, but then two amazing girls named Emily
and Amy came up to me and said they had felt that they needed to pray for
me. They prayed amazing things and the
spirit of God was there in their prayers, but still I felt like something was
holding me back. They felt it too and
asked me about it. Then I finally
realized what the problem was. I had let
the spirit of rejection take over in my heart. I had a wall built up around my heart because I was afraid to let anyone
too close, for fear of being hurt by them. I have had the experience in my past of trusting people and then having
that trust broken and stomped upon. I
knew that it took me time to get to know people, but I don’t think I realized
how much of a wall I had built up around my heart towards others. They also said that they felt I needed to
pray for myself first and declare that I wanted freedom from all of this. I told them I’m no yeller and they assured me
I don’t have to be, but maybe one day I will be but even then I can start with
a whisper. So I sucked it up and
prayed. Then they prayed for me and I
felt a weight lift off my shoulders. That night back at camp with M squad I felt God telling me I needed to
tell this story to the rest of the team and that I needed to tell them I
trusted them. Man, was that hard to do,
but I did it and I was glad for it.
The next day we did an activity that had us writing down our
struggles and mine pretty much were summed up by fear. I was told that my walk may look a bit
different from others’ but that was okay. I was to walk and speak the truth over my life. Instead of fear of failing I was to speak
that I was successful. So I struggled
through the walk speaking truth over myself. It was no easy task, but the toughest part was yet to come. I met the last person at the last checkpoint
before the end and she told me the deal and I began to walk. I felt though that I needed to go back and
ask her to speak some truth over my life. So I turned around and walked back up the hill and asked her to do
so. Wow! Did she ever speak the truth! She
told me that God had placed boldness, courage and power inside of me I just
needed to let it out. She told me I was
more than a conqueror and when fear started to creep back in to tell it to kiss
my butt, because I have a walk to finish and a life to live. So I pressed on with that ringing in my
ears. The “more than a conqueror” part
really stuck with me. I mean being a
conqueror is something awesome, but to be even more than that. I can’t even wrap my mind around how huge
that is and I was that! So even though
I’m almost positive that God walked me through the hardest path possible in
that woods and I fell down multiple times, I kept repeating that I was more
than a conqueror and fear would not win this one. I pushed through it and in the end as I
debriefed with Laura she prayed for me and asked me if I was ready to let go of
all the fear. I so was and I threw it all
at the foot of the cross and left it there. That night we were to throw our struggles on the fire and to declare who
we were in Christ. I practically ran to
the fire and threw it and in a loud voice (at least for me) I declared that I
was more than a conqueror and fear had no hold on me anymore.
I am telling you I have never felt so free in all my
life! Since then I have really been a
part of this team. I’ve opened up to
them and been myself with them. We have danced
together and told jokes and laughed together. We have done some crazy activities together and worshiped together. I have let them see the real me and I have
let them know my true heart. I’m not
holding back anymore and I love it. These
people are my family in Christ and I love them like family. I know you think I am crazy to say this when
I have only been with them for a week, but when you go through all your crap in
front of these people and go through what we have gone through you cannot help
but feel close to them. I am so glad
that I finally opened myself up to them all. Jesus has rocked me this week and I am so excited to be here now and to
hit the ground running in January and rock the world for Jesus with all of
these amazing people. Pray for us,
because we have all made amazing changes in life, but Satan is going to be mad
at us and try to hit us hard when we all go home. So pray for our strength and courage as we
head back to the real world in two days. God will do awesome stuff through Mercy squad (as we have named ourselves)
and I cannot wait to chase Him around this world!
