So, this blog might get a bit long
and it may also tell you more about me than I usually share via the internet,
however I’m just going to put it out there and be honest.
For quite a few years I have been
content in my singleness. I have only
really dated one person in awhile and I have been so fine with that. Not like, “Yes, I’m ‘fine’ being single
because I think if I say I’m fine then I will find someone,” but legitimately
fine with it. I have been happy with
what the Lord has been doing with my life and doing in my life. All of this has been true until
recently. In the past couple of months
I’ve actually been rather discontent with this.
So in an effort to try and do something about it, I joined a few online
dating sites.
A few weeks ago I set up a skype
chat with a guy. We showed up and began
to talk. He asked what I do for work and
I told him teach preschool and after school programming. He asked if it was what I wanted to do or
just a for now thing. I was totally
honest and told him that I want to go overseas and work with orphans. That I didn’t know how long this overseas
thing may be in my life. Perhaps a few
years, perhaps many, but it was the call and passion the Lord put on my life
and I was going to follow it. He began
to ask me if it mattered if I was in a relationship with someone who didn’t
feel that way and I said that God’s call came before any guy. He tried to convince me I was too hard headed
and unwavering. That I should consider
other options. I held fast to the fact
that this was God’s call on my life and I would not change it unless the Lord
changed it. I told him if he had no
interest at all in going overseas then this would never work out, but I wished
him luck in his search. His parting words
were, “I don’t understand you.”
At first this bothered me I won’t
lie. I am hard headed about things once
my mind is set. I am in the process of
seeking the Lord’s will for the next step of my life and while I’m not at a
point of sharing it I will say that it could be a big step. I have had doubts and fears. I am going to have to make sacrifices. Like missing precious time with my amazing
nephew as he grows up. I sit and wonder
if I am irresponsible. I mean most 29
year olds I know aren’t living a life like I am. Working 2 part time just for now jobs, living
with their parents, and working on a step that is not conventional. Most people my age are settling down with
families. Not to mention that I would
really like to find a guy to marry but everyone around here only wants to live
around here and my heart and call are elsewhere. There don’t seem to be many guys who want to
go overseas even for a few years. So all
of these things creep into my thoughts and then I get told “I don’t understand
you.”
However, then it hit me, maybe
people don’t understand me, maybe I live a life that is unconventional based on
American standards, maybe I don’t fit the mold, but that is good!
Hebrews 11:13-16
English Standard Version (ESV)
13 These all died in faith, not having received the things
promised, but having seen them and
greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged
that they were strangers and exiles
on the earth. 14 For people who speak thus make it
clear that they are seeking a homeland. 15 If they had been thinking of that
land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to
return. 16 But as it is, they desire a better
country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called
their God, for he has prepared for
them a city.
These verses are talking about
Abraham and those who God had called early on who had faith in a promise they
never ended up seeing. They lived a life
that was unconventional by the standards of those around them. They weren’t understood, but they didn’t care
because their hearts were set in another place.
They were looking towards heaven.
I guess that means that while it
may not always be easy to live this life that the Lord has called me to (I bet
you thought it was fun and adventurous all the time didn’t you?) that I am
among the company of others who have lived this way. Besides in the end I don’t want to live my
life by American standards or anybody else’s standards anyways. I want to live my life by God’s
standards. If that means I sacrifice
everything in this life then so be it. I
am not saying it’s easy, I’m just saying it will be worth it in the end. To glorify the God who gave me grace I do not
deserve. How could I not waste this life
on him and his call for me?
