previously in my blog or not. If so
here’s a reminder, if not you’ll hear it for the first time. Shortly after taking my glasses off for good
my team was in Cambodia. This was an interesting month in that it was
super short and we also had a lot of down time due to the Kamhai New Year
celebrations taking place while we were there. With this extra time we were able to spend some really good individual
times with God and with one another. While
we were there God gave Rachael some verses to read to me with a word for me
too.
One night she pulled me aside and
shared with me Matthew 9:1-8 which says:
Matthew 9
Jesus Heals a Paralytic
1And getting into a boat he crossed over and came to(A) his own city. 2(B) And behold, some people brought to him a paralytic, lying on a bed. And when Jesus(C) saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, (D) “Take heart, my son;(E) your sins are forgiven.” 3And behold, some of the scribes said to themselves,(F) “This man is blaspheming.” 4But Jesus,(G) knowing[a] their thoughts, said, “Why do you think evil in your hearts? 5For which is easier, to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Rise and walk’? 6But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins”-he then said to the paralytic-“Rise, pick up your bed and go home.” 7And he rose and went home. 8When the crowds saw it,(H) they were afraid, and(I) they glorified God, who had given such authority to men.
She told me that I was like that
man. That God can heal my eyes and that
is no problem, but that the true amazing thing is that he is changing my heart
through all of this. At the time I took
what she said and kept it close to my heart, but I was unsure of what it would
mean in my life.
Now three months later it is
becoming more and more clear. Though my
eyes are not healed God has been using the experience to teach me to lean on
him more and also to teach me to lean on and trust my teammates more. He also showed me how his timing is perfect
while we were in Thailand.
Recently though I’ve been unsure
of what God has been teaching me and what he has been doing. I’m usually pretty good about sharing all the
new things I am able to see and do as I can do them. You may have thought that since I’ve not
written about anything since mid-Thailand that I had forgotten. That is in fact not the case at all. Since then there has been nothing new to
report in fact. God has put my vision
almost back to where it was with glasses, but has brought it no further. It seems I’m going through a desert with this
situation. I kind of always thought that
I would hit this point. I don’t know why
I just felt like I would reach a point where for a long time nothing new
happened. What I didn’t expect was what
I’ve had to deal with the last two and a half weeks.
When I first took my glasses off I
should have gotten horrible headaches from not wearing them, in fact I should
still get them, but I don’t. This is a miracle
and just one way I know this whole thing is of God’s doing and not my own. However, recently I have been unable to read
the Bible on iPod (the only thing I can read right now) or to write in my
journal without then getting a pounding headache soon afterwards. I haven’t understood this at all. It would seem that I’m actually going
backwards instead of forwards.
It has been frustrating as you can
imagine. Though I was limited in the
things I could do, there were still some things I could find joy in doing
without help and now those things are no longer easy. It is frustrating because I was really
enjoying my time in the Bible and journaling is how I process my life and
thoughts. It is my outlet and now if I
wanted to do any of these things then I either had to take the headache that
came with them or ask for help. I love
my teammates and I know they would gladly read me the Bible (they’ve already
read me books), but I get so much more out of it when I read for myself.
When I told my teammates and the
squad mates who are living here with us this month they have all began to pray
for the situation. My team hasn’t
stopped their daily prayers for my eyes and now I have 14 more people praying
for me too. I have decided to do these
things and take the headache that may come, but the good news is they are less
intense the last few days than they have been before now.
I don’t know what it is that God
is doing through this time. I don’t know
what he is trying to teach me. I don’t
know what change it is making in my heart, but I know that there is a purpose
to it. I’m trusting God’s planning and
God’s timing in this. If this is where
he wants me right now then this is where I will be. It may not be easy, or fun at times, but I
will trust him through it all.
