I know I promised a ministry blog as my next blog posted, but I felt like I needed to continue to be raw with y'all on what God is doing through me spiritually. Plus, we switched ministries for the week and want to give y'all as much info about both sites as possible. 🙂
Thank you for reading and I hope you can continue to pray for me as this journey continues.
Journal entry from 7/22/13 (can't get more real than this)
Lord,
Up until now, I’ve wanted to be a child. I’ve wanted to act like a child, be a foolish person, craved attention, and have wanted to follow you without wisdom. I’m scared of wisdom because of who You are. You are wise. I still hold on to the lies that tell me that you can’t overcome this world. I am a saint because of who You are in me.
I guess I’ll be honest in a very literal and direct sense. I haven’t wanted to accept this is real because honestly I know You’ll require more of me. I am allowing satan to make me into a coward. I am allowing his lies that your strength can’t/won’t show up. I know if I let go, I won’t need to understand everything. I won’t need to do everything. I will just simply need to do what You ask me to do in that moment. Lord, I keep thinking that I need a day to rest, that I need time to rest. Yes, we are human and we need sleep. But why do I keep feeling like I can do this with You. I keep feeling like if I wanted to stay up for hours just getting to know You, You’ll give me the rest I need to get through. If I wanted to get to know You more, I fear there will be nothing to learn. Hahahaha. Oh satan. You’re wrong. You want to speak to me. You want to teach me. You want to guide me. You want to adore me. You want to dance with me. You want to save me. You did save me.
Keep giving me challenges, Lord. Keep giving me tests. Keep challenging me. Help me discern Your plan. If it be Your will, provide for me your funds to finish this trip through. Don’t give up on me Lord. Help me Learn Your truth in a deeper way and help me Just fall in love with You. Who You are. Who Jesus is. Who the Holy Spirit is.
