We all have those things about us that we wish we could change. Be it an unattractive behavior, a bad attitude, a sin/habit that we keep falling into, or all of the above. When we discover something we want to change, we do everything in our own power to force change- Carefully moderating our own behavior, doing our best to conceal the ugly parts of us we don’t want others to see. Because if people can’t see it, and you ignore it, then it isn’t really there…right?
Here’s the thing though, that is not true change, it is just behavior modification, and keeping us from being known by those who surround us. Because no matter how much we white-knuckle grip and try to control our behavior and how we are perceived, are hearts are still bruised and broken. We cannot change ourselves, and we can’t change our hearts- Only the Father can do that. Proverbs 4:23 tells us “from the heart flows all things.” The condition of our heart, the state it is truly in, will always reveal itself eventually- because from it flows all things. When the love of the Father invades our hearts, and we allow ourselves to experience the love of the Father, that is when God changes our heart, breaks strongholds that we are slaves to, and from there change begins to flow.
I recently was reading the Voyage of the Dawn Treader by C.S. Lewis, and was struck by the profound simplicity that he uses to describe this very thing. If you have not read the book, here is a little background information. Edmund and Lucy, along with their very unpleasant, know-it-all, bratty cousin Eustace are transported to Narnia through a magical painting of a ship. Once they arrive, they find themselves on a large ship with King Caspian and company, who are embarking on an epic adventure into lands unknown. As they proceed on their journey, Eustace is troublesome, constantly complaining, selfish, and a burden to everyone. One day, they come to an Island, and while everyone else is working to repair the ship and restock store, Eustice sneaks off to rest. Long story short, he is turned into a dragon- which makes him more miserable than he was before. There is also a bracelet he had had on as a human that cuts into his wrist as a dragon, which is very painful. This is the story of how he turns back into a human as told by Eustace to his cousin Edmund: Eustace was lying awake last night wondering what would happen to him, when he saw a huge lion coming toward him, lit by mysterious light. The lion walked right up to Eustace (who was still a dragon at this point) and looked him straight in the eyes, and instructed him to follow. The Lion leads him to a mountain top garden with a well at the middle. Eustace instantly knows that something will change if he can bathe in the well water. However, before he gets in, the Lion tells him he must undress. Remembering that lizards shed their skins, Eustice scratches his skin off. As he looked down at his feet to step into the well, he realized that he was still just as wrinkled, scaly, and hard as before. He tore off another layer of skin and stepped out again. For the second time, Eustace started to get into the well, but once again he saw that his skin was too rough and scaly. He peeled off a third skin, but it still wasn’t enough. Then, the Lion speaks up and says “You will have to let ME undress you.”
In the book, Eustace says this about the experience: “The very first tear he made was so deep I thought it went straight into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I’ve ever felt. The only thing that made it bearable was the pleasure of feeling the stuff come off…Well he peeled the beastly stuff right off, just like I had tried to myself the other three times only they hadn’t hurt- and there it was, lying on the grass, only ever so much thicker and darker, and more knobby looking than the others had been. And there I was as smooth and soft as a peeled switch and much smaller.” The Lion then proceeds to throw him in the water of the well, in which he turns back into a boy- he is restored to who he is meant to be. Then the Lion takes him out and dresses him in new clothes.
Eustace wonders if the whole experience was a dream, but Edmund tells him that he was changed by an encounter with Aslan. This encounter not only changed him physically, but deep inside as well. No longer was Eustace an unbearable, selfish boy, but his heart changed, and so did his behavior. From that point on, Eustace “began to be a different boy,” because “the cure had begun.”
Eustace tries three times to rid himself of his dragon skin, but he can’t make the cut deep enough. Similarly, no matter how much we try to change ourselves, we can not make the change deep enough. True change flows from the heart, and heart change comes from the Father. Only God, reflected in the Character of Aslan, can truly get deep enough into the problem to cause change. God is in the business of restoration. He wants to bring us back to who we were created to be.
An encounter with the Father, and with his love, leaves us different than we were before. It may be a painful process, but it is well worth the result. God changes our appetites, gently and lovingly corrects behaviors, and because the change is prompted in the heart, it is lasting. It marks the beginning of the cure.
So give yourself some grace, and realize that you it is a good thing that you are not responsible for change in yourself. Rather, our only responsibility is opening ourselves up to receive the Father’s love and be changed, realizing that we are in the most capable hands possible, and that from there all things flow.
