When you realize you’re in the season of your closest and oldest friends are all entering marriage and family… When I realized this is my reality, I felt the want to write about it.
Why? Aren’t you tired of reading all those blogs where the single woman writes about being single when the majority of her friends are not? Aren’t you tired of reading those?
What perspective do I have to offer that has not already been shared and liked and sent via message to your circle of still single girlfriends?
What unique voice do I have that has not been heard 10 times over?
Here’s a look into my friendships and community currently:
I have been on a string of mission trips for 9 months (2 months remaining). I have been living out of a backpack those months, living a nomadic life; the longest we have been in one place has been 3 weeks.
Of my closest and oldest friends- many are married! Some a couple years, months or weeks. One of them just had their first baby! A few others are expecting!
It’s such an exciting time and change of season.
I am genuinely happy for them! I can honestly say that I rejoice when they rejoice, laugh when they laugh, cry when they cry.
I have single friends as well; happily single enjoying life to the full, adventuring, learning, working, playing, dating. I love & am extremely grateful for their friendships and we end up laughing a lot.
I have missed two weddings this year, an arrival of a baby girl, and plenty of other adventures. I’ve missed the dating and breakups. I’ve missed birthdays. I’ve missed movie nights. I’ve missed parties. I’ve missed spontaneous get togethers. I’ve missed the normal every day uneventful catch ups.
FOMO. I could stay in the space of, “I’ve missed out on so much!” And, “Man I wish I was there.” “I wish I could have been there!”
I could remain wishing and thinking I have missed out on life.
Andrea. Stop it!
You have NOT missed out on life. You have been where you’re supposed to be. Flip the situation- what if you were one of your good friends, you would be saying, “Man, I wish I could have been there! I am missing out on so much because I’m here!”
While I have missed out on my friends’ lives, that was a cost I considered before I left and said, “yeah, I’m gonna do this thing for a year.” I knew I would be leaving my friends and community. I knew I wouldn’t be in their everyday life. I knew I would be miles and miles away. They knew I would be miles and miles away. I think we prepared as best we could. We mourned the leaving. But I knew after a year, anything would be possible and it’s not like I’ve left these friends forever. I would more than likely see them again and again and again.
The coolest thing about building friendships is to see how they grow over time & distance; maybe not be coolest, but I love seeing the substance of friendship when both parties are separated by land & ocean. (To be clear, I don’t enjoy the time where we are far away, but to see that the friendship is of substance and discovering my friends care & love me, that’s what I love)
I have had practice with long distance friendships since I was in elementary school. Before I was 12, two of my closest childhood friends moved away to a different state. We remained pen pals for a while.
After high school, through college and my twenties, I’ve seen friends move, I’ve moved.
I have never been friendless. 🙂 thanks Papa.
So although I feel I am being left behind on the relationship train, I still trust that Papa has an amazing guy for me.
Sure I have my moments and days where I’m wondering why the heck I haven’t been snatched up yet (I’m a great catch, dang it!), I am thankful for all these years of life I have had. 🙂
Ladies! This is a unique season you won’t have once you’re engaged and married! I know many of us dream of engagement and marriage and family. We wonder when it will be our turn. We wonder if we’re good enough. We wonder, we worry, we start to believe lies that it’ll never happen. We’ve been misunderstood, we’ve been hurt, we’ve felt unseen.
Hold it sister. Let me interrupt.
// You are incredible.
// You are brave.
// Nothing is wasted. Papa does not waste any season.
// You are beautiful.
// You are loved.
// You are valued.
// You are important.
// Your joy & laughter is contagious.
// You’re freaking amazing.
// You’ve got stories to share.
// You are enough.
//
I don’t want to give you ideas of what you should do in your singleness. I don’t want to tell you that you’re doing the wrong things. I don’t want to tell you how to be different.
I definitely won’t tell you to stop watching the romantic comedies. I love the cheesy predictable ones on Hallmark and the classics!
I want you to know you are amazing. You are loved by Papa and He knows your heart. He knows it. He knows every nook & cranny. He knows you, loved one. He knows you & He has a wild plan that is too good to be true. He has perfect timing (which you & I both know doesn’t line up with ours).
He is our good good father, sister.
Trust Him with me.
Not convinced? That’s awesome, ask Him what He thinks of you. 🙂 I bet He’ll tell you only wonderful things.
🙂
Who is this girl?
I’m glad you asked.
:: I am Andrea Diedrich. I’m 27 years old (28 in November). I have been single all these years and have been on one date. Papa has been growing me in this area in small steps the past two years. It’s extremely encouraging. He is in the midst of rewiring my brain concerning dating and marriage, family & communication. I grew up in the time of I Kissed Dating Goodbye, and in a family that didn’t talk about this topic at all. (Joshua Harris, only love for you, but the way I was introduced to this book & lack of discussion, screwed me over for 12 years). I come from a dysfunctional family (there can be dysfunction wherever more than one person is present) who has been too scared to talk about these real life big things. I have been suffocated by fear for too long.
My heart has been on a journey of discovery and I’m discovering my identity as a daughter of our loving [heavenly] Father.
In the words of United Pursuit…
From the head to the heart
You take me on a journey
Of letting go
Getting lost in You
I’m experiencing intimacy.
I’m experiencing heart communication.
I’m experiencing real people, with real feelings & emotions & thoughts.
I am discovering how to be known.
I am discovering life & relationships & communication is a mess.
A beautiful mess.
