Hi fam.
I feel like I’m to share how the transition back into the States & some things I’ve come to realise since returning.
You’re probably wondering what’s happened since I returned to the States at Thanksgiving.
And if you aren’t, that’s okay too.
I take full responsibility if I hurt you in stopping update & communication of the year after I returned.
The transition back has been abrupt, painful, revealing of the true condition of my heart, strange, and it’s been difficult to put into words.
I didn’t feel okay to be the mess I was by many people. Certain individuals & friends I felt more comfortable with than others, and I felt misunderstood.
It’s been nearly 8 months being back in the States & Papa is still at work with things he started last year.
I still have so much to process from last year & honestly ignore revisiting things.
I want to communicate to you all though, that even though I did not express it as I should have, I am thankful you stood with me last year. I am thankful for your prayers, your encouragement, your love, your financial support.
I am not proud of how I came back & didn’t share with you much of the process. I say that I’m learning to be vulnerable & express what’s going on inside, and it’s a continual learning process.
I could share more, I could have connected more.
I could have been more intentional.
I’m not proud of how I dealt with pain, discomfort, and feeling misunderstood.
I left y’all hanging out to dry. I kind of jumped off the grid when I came back because I didn’t know how to deal with the pain. I didn’t know how to express the mess I felt I was in.
So- all this is to say- I take responsibility for any hurt I caused you.
I felt pressure coming back & pressure to know what was next, where I was heading & pressure to share all the things from the year. And the pressure caused me to shut down. Not completely, but it definitely took a toll & I let it because I felt overwhelmed.
I don’t know how else to end this….other than to apologise & ask for your forgiveness.
