// caution //
I may say some things you won’t agree with in the following.
I don’t intend to put anyone down with these words.
If you take offense or hurt over any of the words I have written, I apologize now and tell you that was not my intention. My intention is to be transparent and it may have been written out of some frustration or irritation. I’m not perfect and I don’t to pretend that I don’t get irritated or annoyed like a human does.
I want to share a real, unfiltered look into what these days have construed to be. I’m not sure if construe is the correct verb to use, but, again, I am not striving for perfection or poetry with this blog. I could be very wrong in using that word, I first used conspired; upon definition I discovered that was not an appropriate verb. Haha
Most of the time [I would guess at least 80%] I will post highlights of past weeks, or what I have learned after the messy process. I typically don’t post when I’m in serious need of alone time. I don’t write about the month when I’m still hurting from things people have said, whether to me or others. I don’t write when I don’t feel I have seen growth in myself. I don’t write a blog when I am struggling to be vulnerable and even share what is pestering my heart.
There is much hype around this adventure.
I don’t like hype. Hype places false expectations and fake filters on experiences. Hype makes all the highlights look like normal life.
I don’t want to be that pessimistic person being Debbie Downer, but I want to tell you- most of the posts you see are the highlights.
Not many people post about the crap they have to deal with.
Or the messiness of trying to live with 6-30+ people every day.
I don’t share about the unspoken disagreements I have or about the hurts I feel.
I don’t share how sensitive I am.
I don’t share how much I feel.
I don’t share how greatly words affect me.
I don’t share the grumpy day I have because I just want to be alone.
I don’t share about needing to have a good cry.
I don’t share about the gossip I hear, or the bad attitudes.
I don’t share irritations.
This is real life people.
I don’t get along with my team & squad every day. I don’t like them every day.
Why are we [I] afraid to share the mess?
I get the point of sharing good things – but what about the value of sharing the not so good things?
What about sharing without the filter of ‘everything is great and amazing all the time’ to sharing the messy part of the process and ‘this sucks right now, here’s what’s going on.’
Wouldn’t that give supporters at home more insight into what is really going on?
Wouldn’t that give future ones who want to go on this journey a view into what day to day life on the race could look like?
Beings that this has been my life the past 5 months, I have more of an experience now than I did in January, February, March and so forth.
Can I be completely honest and real with you? How much of my own feelings and thoughts do I “need” to censor or filter in this post?
I may say something here that I later wish I didn’t share.
I will most likely read back on this post and think “why did I share this? Was I just being emotional and venting?”
I second guess myself. I doubt myself.
I don’t read my team/squadmates blogs or other racers blogs because I compare myself to their writing or what they have to say and think, “Man, they are so much better of a writer than I. I don’t have stories like so-and-so to share. Why am I even blogging…” I know this about myself, so I rarely read other racers blogs.
Every day is not the same on this journey/adventure/lifestyle [call it what you will].
Stability is not present — at least I don’t find it easily. Stability cannot be found in the place we are at [country or city], the people we encounter [we are nowhere for more than 5 days the past month and a half…we barely have time to make connections because we’ll leave in a matter of days, 2.5 weeks at max], teams have been changing every 2-3 weeks [the past 3 months], language changes [as soon as I can learn more, we leave].
HOWEVER I find two things are consistent- the clothing I have to wear [limited but it’s consistent to be the same] & Papa.
But this lack of stability seems to throw me off quite easily.
What I mean by throw me off — I don’t take action to renew my mind with the word, receive Papa’s love, receive his joy and letting those things take precedence over everything else. Too easily I end up believing lies instead of truth. Too often I feel beat up and discouraged.
____________________________________________________________________________
Short term mission trips
This year my life is like me taking a bunch of short term mission trips. Although it seems like I am on a year long mission trip because I am out of the states for 11 months. Psych! I knew this before January, but somehow in my head I wasn’t expecting lots of short term trips. Weird how the brain thinks and processes…
In the long run, what is the benefit of short term trips? Typically short term trips are 10-14 days. Usually a group will help with manual labor, making projects come into reality faster. Okay, more hands make work light; but what other than manual labor is the benefit? Allowing the participants to experience a culture other than their own? Okay. That’s good. These are good but, is there benefit to the people of the nation visited?
I don’t think I am really making a difference.
How am I [and my squad] reaching the unreached?
If we can’t even speak the language, what are we other than tourists visiting the country?
Sure, I believe we don’t have to speak the language to influence the atmosphere for the kingdom. But so many times I don’t see how we -on this mission trip- are reaching the unreached when we don’t even live here.
I feel the best way to show people Jesus is relationship. Are relationships hard? Yes. Is it easier said than done? Absolutely. But if we are to influence the world and bring the kingdom of Papa wherever we go, lasting change will only come through being planted.
This is the furthest thing from being planted!
But wait, Andrea, Jesus told his disciples to go into all the world and make disciples and preach the gospel; heal the sick, feed the hungry, clothe the naked.
Yes, you’re absolutely right; but if I am only somewhere for a very short amount of time, what’s the benefit? I can’t go somewhere and preach the gospel and then magically expect it to change. I believe what Jesus meant by his commission was this: go into your world, into the people you interact with daily & weekly, see them as my sons & daughters. See they have needs. Care for them. Treat them with kindness and love, as I would. Don’t travel to far off lands to do this. Do it in your own backyard. Do it at your workplace. Do it in your neighborhood. Get to know them. Make them feel loved. Make them feel important. Pretty soon they will see you treat them differently.
Sure, experiencing different cultures is eye opening; I am an encourager of broadening your horizons and experiencing life like other people around this world do.
See that there is more than just one way of living; see that there are other people and though we look and sound different, we’re the same. We are all human. We all want to be seen, heard, loved, valued and known.
I guess what I am trying to say is this —> don’t expect to “change the world” when/if you go on mission trips.
The biggest things I have been in the midst of learning these past months ::
:: how to live with several people all day, every day [and everything that comes with that] ::
:: being in constant transition ::
:: I need more of Papa, I need more Jesus, I need more Holy Spirit ::
Of course, I don’t have to understand everything about the past 5 months nor the next 6 months.
I will probably never understand it all fully, and I have to be okay with that.
Papa is doing things I can’t see.
One thing that troubles me, nay, I’ve noticed lately and am unsure how to shift perspective ::
:: I am living in a bubble, I need outside perspective, or what I call when Papa helps me zoom out to see differently. That’s been more difficult to do. Hmm. Maybe I’m too fixated on myself…
// thank you for taking your precious time to read what I have to say. I don’t know what you expect from a blog from me half-way around the world.
I hope I gave you a more insightful, honest look into life over here.
It’s real life. It’s not glamorous and I dislike that about the hype around this journey. It’s not all adventure like some paint it to be.
