On September 14th, 2014 I celebrated a year of sobriety; and what a year it has been. There have been plenty of painful, hurt-filled moments where the question often arose, “why am I even doing this?” Why am I removing myself from the norms of my age and my generation, and trading it for weekends with nothing on the social to-do list and friends who distance themselves because they “cannot understand why I would choose to not have fun”. To soberly look at my life; look at all of the mistakes I have made, the people I have hurt, and to seek justice and forgiveness. I’ve taken part in countless conversations that completely humbled me. I have been flatted down to my bare self and forced to face what remains head on. And with every turn I saw love; I saw God.
I saw Him when I confessed to my parents how far I had fallen, and their immediate response was to jump to my aid and help me back to my feet. They offered me a sober home, transportation, and all the support I needed. I saw Him in the kindness of my Landlords who allowed me to get out of my lease so I could move into a sober place. I saw Him in the family and friends who reminded me that through the darkness, I was still surrounded by love. I saw Him in the members of my support group, Celebrate Recovery. These women who had been through situations that were similar or different to mine, but all required our leaning on God to be freed of them. They opened their arms wide to my tear covered face of embarrassment and non-understanding, as they watched me shed the built up layers of hurt and defensiveness. I saw Him everywhere I went. He would leave me constant reminders that He was with me. He cloaked me in His love every day that I let Him in.
But through all of the trials, God showered me with His love and light. With every chain that was broken, a blessing replaced it. For every fear I have overcome, I have received a new excitement for life. With all the humbling conversations I have had, I have felt the strengthening of those relationships and an understanding of how to not live those mistakes again. For every day I have not drank, God has placed a small blessing into my day to remind me what an amazing child of His I am. I have grown closer to Him after the worldly distractions were removed from my path. I had to fall to my low for me to lean on Him fully, and let Him change me, starting with my heart. And oh, the heart that He has uncovered is one that will be a world changer.
If the me from today could ask the me from a year ago where I would see myself in a years’ time, I don’t think I would have been able to imagine something half as amazing as what I have received. And to think.. It is only going to get better in the year to come! In a weeks’ time I head off to Training Camp where I get to meet the smiling faces that I’ve been chatting with. I get to bond with the men and women who will become my faith family and support system for the 11 months and beyond. In three months’ time I leave for India… INDIA!! I get to go serve others, spread God’s love through my actions, and continue to grow in my relationship with Him. How have I fell into this life? I gave it all to Him. I let it all go and surrendered. And I have never been so joyful with life.. And it’s only going to get better.
Below is the song “Something Beautiful” by my favorite artist Needtobreathe. This has been one of my “recovery songs”. It is a song that I frequently, very frequently turned to when I was struggling. It reminded me that the quick fixes of this world were not what I desired, and that I wanted to have something beautiful.
