Before leaving for the Race, the advice I heard over and over again was “be present.”
Life is constantly changing on the Race. Every month you are in a new country. You do not know what city you are going to until a week before you travel there. You receive paperwork explaining the work and ministry you’ll be involved with, but it’s hardly ever accurate. You usually find out upon arrival. And still, it can be different every day. You learn how to be okay with not knowing and to just go with the flow.
You have one month (sometimes only 3 weeks) in a country with the local people. If you are spending your time wishing you were home because your current situation is challenging or trying to figure out what you’ll be doing next month, you miss out on the present. You miss out on random adventures to see the city or opportunities to talk to locals and hear their story. You can be present in body, but if you aren’t there in your mind too, you aren’t fully present.
I worked hard to be present. It did require saying no to things. I chose for the whole year to not look at the feed on Facebook. I knew I would start the comparison game and miss home. So I just cut it out all together.
Another thing I did was daily ask the Lord: “What is your purpose for me today? Who can I love? How can I be a blessing to someone?
God give me your perspective and open my eyes to see the opportunities to share your love.”
I wasn’t perfect in this. But overall, I succeeded. I was fully present to the best of my ability. Because of that, I had some amazing experiences, and I have some incredible stories that I will cherish forever- like the time I decided to eat a tarantula. Or the time I got to pray for a lady I met on the bus whose mom had cancer.
Another aspect of being present on the Race for me meant not trying to figure out what was next after the Race. I was on a “need to know basis.” God would give the information to me when I needed it.
During month 9 of the Race, God began to reveal what was next to some of my squad mates, and my teammates were doing research on job opportunities post-Race. I thought, “Oh, I should probably do that too.”
As I begin searching for jobs, anxiety began flooding my heart. “What will I do about money? People will expect me to know what’s next.” I had no peace, and I felt fearful about what was next after the Race.
As I was journaling about this, God sweetly spoke to me, “Andrea, trust me. I see you.”
Immediate tears. I thought by now I would know what’s next. I would meet him. I would have fallen in love with a ministry and know I was coming back.
Instead, I was just as clueless as the day I left the United States.
My fear was that God wasn’t going to tell me. My natural instinct in response to that is to figure it out on my own. I knew God was telling me, you don’t need to do that. I will open the door for you. I haven’t forgotten you. You are doing all the right things. Remain steadfast. Consistent. Faithful. Trust me.
Fast forward to the last month of the Race. I absolutely loved it!! Everything about Vietnam I loved: the city, the people, the ministry, the food. I could see myself living here. I began to do some research on job opportunities and the cost of living in Vietnam. I was so excited about the possibility of coming back to Vietnam that I forgot the most important element: asking the Lord.
Guess what he told me- “The Race isn’t over, stay present.”
I fly into California July 24, 2016. I had the next month planned- I would be traveling to visit friends and family, spending lots of time with my nephew, and resting. I needed that before jumping into the next thing. I just knew the Lord would tell me during that month.
He didn’t.
Project Searchlight is a 5 day event hosted by Adventures in Missions a month after Racers have returned home. This is a time to process the Race and adjustment back to the United States and also a time to figure out what’s next.
It’s August 22, 2016. I lay out my expectations VERY CLEARLY to the Lord. I expect Him to reveal to Me what’s next.
Day one- nothing. Day 2- nothing. Day 3- nothing. God is speaking to my friends through prophecy and giving them huge dreams for the future. And I have nothing.
Day 4- I am in worship session. I feel the Lord’s presence all around me. I know the next thing is right there… but it’s just outside my reach. I can’t get it. “Why can’t I get it?”
I sit down and start a conversation with the Lord. “Is there something wrong with me? Am I not giving you the space to speak to me? Do you want me to go back to Vietnam, start my career in counseling, etc.?”
Nothing. Complete silence from the Lord.
Worship ends, and the speaker approaches the stage. She begins sharing her story about overcoming fear. She tells how she got a taste of freedom on the Race, but she went back to being a captive to fear after.
As she is talking, I realize I am standing on the line of fear. I’ve lived a year of staying present and overcoming fears. Now, a month after being home, I am feeling the pressure. I need to get a job. I need to start applying. Yet, I don’t feel like God has released me to do that. I don’t feel a peace about starting my career in counseling. And that doesn’t make sense to me.
Then I hear: “You aren’t done with overcoming your fear season.”
That is NOT the response I was looking for. What does that even mean?!
The speaker challenges everyone who feels captive to fear to stand up. I don’t stand. Fear doesn’t have control over me.
Then I decided I want to make a declaration. I am not going back to fear. I have been flirting with the idea of going back- making things happen on my own, taking control of my future and just getting a job. Believing the fear that God will fail me. Instead I publicly declared I am not going back to being a slave to fear. I stood up.
God didn’t tell me at Project Searchlight what was next.
I did have the next two weeks planned- visiting a friend in South Carolina and then vacation with my family in Florida.
I’d love to tell you that my faith was strong; I didn’t doubt, and I lived present every day, trusting God would tell me when I needed to know. The next two weeks planned.
That isn’t what happened. Here is an exert from my journal September 1, 2016, the day before vacation.
“Right now, I just feel frustrated. I’m frustrated that I don’t have answers. That I don’t know what’s next or why I don’t know what’s next. I’m frustrated that I could live in the present overseas and trust you God, but I am struggling to do it at home. The only thing I have left planned is vacation with my family (Destin, Fl. And the beach is my happy place). I’m frustrated that I’m not even excited right now because I want work to be lined up when I get home, and it’s not. And I don’t know if it will be. I know it’s fear. The reality is it could happen. I may still not know what’s next after my vacation and then what? I have to apply for a job. I have waited a month and a half. I have bills to pay.”
I got over myself (journaling is a great processing tool for me) and chose to enjoy my vacation. I was in Florida at the beach with beautiful weather and my family. I needed to be there not just in body but also in my mind to be fully present to fully enjoy it.
One of my best friends reached out to me that week: “there is an opening at my job. Please apply. Do it ASAP. The position has been open for several weeks now.” She had actually told me about this several weeks earlier, but I didn’t stop to consider it. As she told me again, I decided not to be so quick to write it off just because it wasn’t what I thought would be next. It wasn’t on the list of options I gave the Lord.
I spent time praying about it. Turns out, this job was everything I wanted: ministry, salary, health insurance. I would be working with students who have behavior disorders (I have a heart for people who have been through traumatic experiences). I like a challenge. I’d work one week and then have one week off, which would allow me to travel and still live at home. I’d get to work with one of my best friends. And because the job is in MO, I’d get the best of both worlds- spending time with my family in AR and my friends in Springfield.
As I prayed, the Lord gave me complete peace about the job. This was my next step.
However, I didn’t have a computer with me (and I’m on vacation. No working on vacation). I chose to believe if this is the job the Lord has for me, it will still be open when I get home. I chose not to worry about it. I continued enjoying my vacation.
I arrived home Saturday evening. Spent most of the afternoon and evening on Sunday working on my resume and the job application. I applied Monday morning. Wednesday I received a phone call. Job interview Friday. They offered the position to me an hour after the interview.
God is faithful.
I share my story with you to remind you- God is faithful. You can trust him.
Matthew 6:25-34.
Don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring it’s own worries. Today’s troubles is enough for today (v. 34).
I want to challenge you: Live in the present. Live each day fully present- both body and mind. Ask God daily: “What are your purposes for me today? How can I build your kingdom? Who can I love? Give me your perspective. Help me not to worry about tomorrow but instead to trust you and live today.”
