After posting my video of shaving my head on Facebook, a faithful-filled Christian friend left the following comment: I am believing God is going to give you your deepest desire by the time your hair grows out.
The wheels on my brain began to turn… what is my deepest desire? Before, I would have always said to get married and have children (I planned to be married by 21 and have kids starting at age 24).
As I spent time examining my heart, I realized the change God has been doing in me the over the years. I am content being single. Even at age 26. God has shown me that singleness truly is a gift from God (1 Corinthians 7:7). For this season of my life, I am most effective in service to Him by being single. I don’t have to wait until I am married to be used by God. He is using me now!
Marriage is not the end goal. Marriage does not bring a woman happiness. Happiness is something a person chooses to have. True fulfillment, being content, and joy only come from a relationship with God. I can be happy whether I am single or married, with children or without children because I choose to be. Because I know my worth is in God, not in what a man does or doesn’t think of me. I can be happy whether I have everything in life I want (or think I want) or I don’t. Because I don’t just have a good feeling when things are going my way, I have something deeper (joy) that is from God and nothing and no one can take it away (Philippians 4:11-12).
The purpose of marriage is not my own personal happiness and fulfillment. Marriage is to bring glory to God and to make me more like Christ.
Now (by the grace of God and his patience and work in my heart), my deepest desire is to love and serve Jesus. If I am most effective in loving God and loving people by being single, I want to stay single. I am already content and living a full life with God. God has given me wonderful friends and family to live life with. By God’s grace I can continue to be single.
If I am most effective in becoming like Christ and bringing others to him by being married, then that’s what I want. We will run our race together, help each other become more like Christ, encourage and challenge each other, and raise up godly men and women to do the same as us.
Do I have a desire to be married and have children? Yes. But I trust that God’s plan for my life (even if it’s different than mine) is the best plan for me. Because he created me. He knows me better than I know myself. Because he loves me more than I can ever imagine. His ways, his thoughts are 15.5 billion light-years higher than mine. I feel confident in letting his write my story.
What is your deepest desire?
Are you willing to let go of control, trust God, and let Him write your story?
