If you haven’t read my last blog, you can see it here. It’s the story of me and 3 of my squad-mates being attacked and robbed in Guatemala.
After being robbed, we were filled with fear, I was filled with fear. The images of the initial scene haunted me. On our way home from Antigua that evening, as I was sitting in the back of a 15 passenger van looking out the window on my right at the darkening streets filled with people, I would see the man who robbed us in the streets. I would see men with bandannas over their faces and piercing eyes. But then, as we drove away and I glanced out once more, I realized it was just an older man sitting and waiting for the next form of public transportation to pass by. When I got back to our ministry, I decided I would sit outside with my headphones in and journal about it. As I started to write, I thought I heard someone coming around the corner, so I leaped up from the wooden bench and faced the entrance, fists up and prepared to fight. I jumped so suddenly that Brent, who was also sitting outside did the same thing. We quickly realized it was nothing. I was embarrassed and I was ashamed for being so fearful. I went to the girls room, everyone was asleep, I crawled into my top bunk and I cried. I tried to close my eyes to sleep, but all I could see were images of the attack and all I could feel was a tangible darkness hovering over me.
See, that’s what the enemy wants! He instills fear, which then instills shame, which tumbles and tumbles and tumbles until you become a wreck, feeling outside of the reach of God. That’s why fear is so detrimental! That’s why God’s perfect love casts out all fear! (1 John) That’s why we have a spirit of power, love and a sound mind instead of fear!!
As I lay in my bed, I cried out to God. Although it had only been a day, I felt so far gone. One day controlled by fear, is far too long. I put my headphones on and I played my worship playlist. A song came on by Elevation Worship titled Fortress. (There’s a youtube video below) It said exactly what happened that day, exactly how God showed up… my eyes were open, the darkness lifted, and this is where The Aftermath begins.
The Aftermath is this:
I now understand what it means to say “God is my fortress.My protector. My faithful Father.” My friend Megan, who was with me that morning said it best,
“I can no longer say “He is for us” without conviction and passion. I can no longer live in fear with any good reason.” It’s true. I cannot tell people this story without conviction of the truth that God is fighting for us!! GOD IS OUR FORTRESS. That has felt like such a “christian term” for so long, and I’ve never understood it. “Fortress? What does that even mean?” There are times when God’s words come alive to us. I’m thankful for being robbed, I am thankful for being attacked with my 3 friends because now all 3 of us have a better understanding, a better trust in our Father.
The cool thing is- that is exactly what satan tried to destroy! He tried to drown us in fear, set us in a downhill snowball of shame, fear, distrust, insecurity and so on. It may have appeared, or even felt like he succeeded for a short time. But again, our God came through. The word of God is alive and active, sharper than any two edged sword…(Hebrews 4:12)
Taking Back Our Ground
We went back to the cross. Yea, you read that right 🙂 WE WENT BACK TO THE CROSS!!! We went back to the cross (just not at 5:30am 😉 and we did what we intended to do 3 weeks earlier- we worshiped. We sat where we had before, our backs to the woods as we faced the cross which overlooked the well lit, pastel painted city. Kevin played guitar, and we sat on this mountain with a few more dear friends who helped us through, and we worshiped! There were nine of us on top of this mountain singing, “I’m no longer a slave to fear, I am a child of God!” only this time, there were people at the mountain and our worship session of nine turned to to 15 as a group came and sat near us. We were praying, thanking God for for His protection, and praying for the ones who attacked us. Praying for God to reveal himself to them, for God to radically shake their lives so that they come to know HIM. Praying together, wanting God to heal their hearts and help us walk in genuine love and forgiveness towards them.
What satan meant for evil, God turned it into something so so sooo good and glorifying to His Kingdom!
Fear no longer has a place and when it comes, we have learned to be intentional about kicking it to the curb. God is not a God of fear, but of love and where there is perfect love, there cannot be fear. Our God is a fortress. He protects us and He fights for us. I had an experience that made that come alive to me. It’s now a truth I just say for comfort, but a truth that has been awakened within the deepest part of my soul, a truth I will never again be able to dismiss.
