We serve a God that answers prayers.
That hears our hearts.
That cares.
That works on our behalf.
That brings people in our lives that work on our behalf.
That knows the deepest desires of our hearts, even when we're clouded by our ugly emotions.
Do you believe that?
I struggle believing that sometimes…
I've been waiting to launch for this trip for a year and a half, maybe longer?
Who freakin' knows.
The point is, it's been a long time.
Since then, I've been fundraising.
Asking the church for money.
I've done fundraisers here and there.
I decided to expand my creative side and make things.
They were successful, but they only made a small dent in my account.
I mean, shoot. 16,200 is a lot money.
but as I've said before, its nothing to Dad.
It's nothing.
A year and a half is a lot of time.
I could have put my money into it when I had a job, but I wanted Dad to do it…
I wanted to trust Him with my fundraising.
I wanted Him to show up in a radical way.
Fundraising really is a big step in trusting and relying on Dad.
At the beginning of this month,
I was in a rocky place,
I would say I hit rock bottom,
and I stayed there for a bit.
I was done with this trip,
done with "choosing joy",
done with choosing community,
done with traveling,
and done "embracing the adventure".
It was around the time I wrote my last blog about going Home.
Home being Dad, Home being where He is.
Just so you all know… I really don't have a physical home.
Not here, not in the states.
I have places I could stay… but a home?
Nope.
And that's perfectly fine with me.
So, like any bratty child, I made a deal with Dad.
"Fully fund me and I'll stay on this race."
A part of me doubted that money would come.
I was still 2000 behind.
Maybe more?
I requested for Him to fully fund me before I hit Thailand soil…
but, that didn't happen.
You got 3 weeks Dad,
You got 3 weeks to show up.
It was stagnant the first week,
so, like a bratty child, I shrugged my shoulders and said,
"that's what I thought"
rolling my eyes at Him.
Then, out of the blue,
money of abundance came through.
It overwhelmed me so much I couldn't check my account.
smaller amounts than some, but they added up…
They added up big time…
Guys,
I'm fully funded.
…I'm fully funded…
I'm fully funded.
I'm fully. freaking. funded!
Do you know what this means?
It means I get to finish out this trip.
It means I get to live in constant community for another 5 months.
It means I get to have more challenges and celebrations.
It means I get to step into more uncomfortable situations.
It means I get to choose to love every day and get better at it.
It means I get to learn how to pursue people better.
It means I get to walk in more freedom and learn how to do it even more than I already have.
It means I get to see more radical healings.
It means I get to potentially use my tent that I spent over 100 dollars for…
It means I can get more tattoos… (just kidding mom and dad…. 
. Too soon? lololol)
It means I get to experience more travel days gone wrong. Another 12 hour bus ride turned into 24 hours. (yeah, speaking that over us, because they make for funny stories. I bet those of you who were a part of that experience are laughing and shaking your fist at me at the same time… maybe not. Love you.)
It means I get to celebrate my 24th birthday in Swaziland.
It means I get to tell more people about Jesus and hold more babies.
It means I'll experience 5 more unknown ministries.
It means I get to fall in love with more people.
It means I get to hear more stories.
It means I get to have more experiences.
It means I get to laugh more, laugh harder, with the 6 women I've come to love dearly.
It means I get to have MORE child-like faith.
It means I get to go to Cambodia.
Philippians.
Malaysia.
South Africa.
Swaziland.
My heart is leaping. It truly is.
As I'm writing this I'm on the verge of tears
because, I just can't believe it.
…When I needed Him to show up most, He did. He always does.
In Nicaragua, God began to ask me this question very clearly:
"Do you trust me?"
He asked me about 15 times a day, every single day.
I would get annoyed sometimes telling Him yes.
Other times I would tell Him no, but, he never condemned me for that.
He would just answer the prayer (in His timing of course) and say, "oh, you of little faith" in His soft whisper.
That's the kind of Dad He is.
That's the Dad that I've come to know these last 6 months, at least.
I remember being fully funded was one of those small (maybe big…) requests that I've asked for almost 2 years now.
The last 6 months, I'd be around people who would say, "I'm fully funded!"
It was a time to celebrate, I would truly happy for them.
But then, I'd go back to my quiet place asking Dad,
"why am I not fully funded yet?"
Comparison.
In his quiet little whispers He would ask me "do you trust me?"
Sometimes I'd say yes.
Other times I would say no, because I just wouldn't.
There's no use in lying to Dad, He knows my heart after all.
I don't believe me not having faith was the reason He waited until the deadline to fully fund me.
I believe He waited because this was the perfect time to prove His love for me, once again.
Not that He needs to prove it to me, He doesn't.
Honestly, I think He'd be perfectly fine without my love in return.
He wants to prove it to me, though.
He wants my love.
As I've said before, I hit rock bottom.
I'm talking a minute at a time, waiting for the moment where I can breath normally. Hoping that I would eventually see the light at the end of this super dark tunnel.
Today, He spoke after I checked my account.
"Hey, remember this prayer you asked a year and a half ago?
Well, here it is, darling.
Here's my gift to you, just for being you.
I waited to give this to you because I love you."
and just like that…
I saw a glimpse of hope,
I saw a glimpse of light.
That's why He waited, because He knows that it means the world to me to stay on the field.
He knows how long I've waited for this.
He just wanted to surprise me, even though He knows I don't like them.
He's romantic and funny that way.
He just wanted to give this gift to me at the perfect time.
It couldn't be more perfect.
He doesn't wait to answer prayers and requests just because He can or because He wants to prove He's big and mighty. That's not the Dad that I know.
He does it so He can woo you in the perfect moment.
He's wooing me in the perfect moment.
He gives the best freaking gifts.
You were a part of that.
You were a part of His big gift to me.
This journey is just as much yours as it is mine.
We're all on the same journey just taking different paths.
I'm praying for blessing over you and the sacrifice that you made to get me here.
I believe He will bless you in abundance and give you 10 fold of what you've given me.
I believe that for you.
I wrote a blog on New years, this was my resolution.
"This is the year I will love harder, dream bigger, embrace each given day.
I will live recklessly for the Kingdom, walk obediently, and freely give because I have freely received."
This is just as much my resolution now, as it was then.
?I still get to live up to that resolution and go beyond it.
This is the best year of my life, hands down.
