Since we’ve received the coming home date, I’ve been in this weird place of trying to plan my transition back, as well as attempting to stay present.
The last 2 months, I’ve felt the Lord revealing new visions for what He wants my coffee shop to look like and it’s excited me! But, it also put me in a place where I feel like I need to get the ball rolling and start the dang thing.
It hasn’t been easy and often led me to become overwhelmed when things don’t seem to work out how I imagined them to.
My kingdom minded dreams have become scary… I’m a one-women show after all, how will it all work out?
Jobs I’ve looked into have fallen though.
The bank account I’ve recently opened, locked me out.
(Apparently I have to call to get it unlocked, I’m all the way across the world with no phone… I don’t see that happening for another 4 months.)
It’s just frustrating.
The other day I sat with the Lord and began to feel Him telling me something:
“Don’t worry or make too many plans. Don’t grip them, place them gently into my hands and let go of expecting them to work out how you imagined them. I will lead you along straight paths, I will lead you into good community, and to a life-giving job. Trust me with those plans.
You’re focusing too much on your dreams its becoming an idol.
Focus on me and let me fulfill them in my timing and MY way.
You’re going to be okay, daughter.
Trust in me.
I don’t tell you much for a reason, the reason being so that you can embrace your adventure with me.
Take one step at a time.
I’ve provided a place for you to stay, and I will provide a job for you to have.
You will be well taken care of because I will guide your steps.
Don’t be discouraged, but take heart, you are my child and beloved.
I am working on your behalf.
Just go love on my children. Go show them who I am.“
I read over what He wrote to me and let that sink in…
My dreams are becoming an idol…
That hurt… but, he was right.
So, the next few days I tried to set aside my plans.
I tried going with the flow.
I tried being okay with our ministry being so flexible.
I tried.
I’ve never been a person who has desired consistency until lately.
I’ve always been a go with the flow kind of personality.
But, since i’ve lost so much control in my life and the type of ministry,
I’ve become someone who NEEDS a plan.
But, my Father quietly says,
“you don’t need anything, you have me.
You’re in the midst of my plan.
Do you not know that I have already planned and ordained this moment?
Take it in… Take it all in.”
I woke up in a grumpy mood today because once again,
MY plans didn’t go as planned.
NOTHING IS GOING AS PLANNED.
I felt in my spirit the Lord saying, “today I want you to garden.”
“Okay God, but uh, I haven’t gardened in like… years.”
“Just do it.”
I pick up that shovel and begin to dig into the soil to create a circle around the plant.
After, I began to work inside the circle and dug up the weeds.
As I was digging, I heard Him say,
“do you see those weeds, daughter?
“yes.”
“those weeds need to be uprooted in order for the tree to continue to grow.”
“i know that, Dad.”
“Those weeds in your life, daughter, need to be uprooted in order for you to grow.”
That stopped me, what weeds?
Then he revealed my distrust in His plan.
He revealed my persistence to take matters into my own hands
in order to make an easy transition home.
He revealed my desire for control.
He revealed my temper.
and He said,
“this needs to be uprooted in order for you to grow.
Will you trust me?”
I was convicted, I finally got it.
I finally understand what He’s been telling me the last 2 days.
Stop trying and just BE.
To give up that control I long to have.
Be okay with things not always going as planned.
To just embrace the day that I’ve been given and press into the ministry of community and relationships- that ministry doesn’t need a plan.
Dig in. Dig in. Dig in.
Let those weeds,
those sins,
those addictions,
those frustrations,
those fleshly desires be uprooted,
and SEE how the Lord will take hold of your life.
SEE how you both will grow together as one.
my question to you:
What are the weeds in your life that you need to let go of and take to the Father?
