Saturday May 25th I moved to Boss city, Louisiana.
The drive here was dreadful… filled with regret and frustration.
That next week after working in the office 9:30-5 doing camp prep, I spent the nights driving to familiar places so I can feel somewhat at home and comfortable. I drove to tyler one night, marshall another, dallas another, then to tyler again. Each time I left, I spent the drive back to Bossier crying because I hated being here.
Don't get me wrong, friends, please.
I love and adore the people I'm immersed with here, I think they're great and every day I'm challenged by the Lord on how to handle situations (in a good way) and stretched beyond what I've ever dealt with before. I enjoy the work that I'm doing with this camp preparation. I enjoy getting the opportunity to come up with ideas to make this years camp a fun and different atmosphere for the students with some awesome as all get out interns.
but, I hate it because no matter where I go I'm constantly uncomfortable. Every single day I constantly feel drained and weary.
A year ago, I was involved in Austin Christian Fellowships student ministry. I remember one night having a conversation with a wise man of the Lord about my potential plans for August 2012 (at that time I was in a pickle of whether or not I should move to Tyler or stay in Austin.)
I remember telling him my desire for my plans to be in line with the Lords plans. That I longed so badly for Him to show me and reveal to me what He wants me to do next. That I hate sitting here not knowing what the heck I'm doing or what the Lord is doing in and with me. I felt like I was wasting my time.
His response to my frustration and anger was this:
"Where you are is absolutely beautiful, because you're in the waiting. Take advantage of this time and allow the Lord just to love you where you're at. He WILL show you what His plan next for you is, but once He does it's going to be harder than you've ever imagined. The 'waiting for his plan next' is the easy part, the hard part is once He makes it known to you… because then, you have to go, dropping everything you know, into the uncomfortable and unknown."
He's absolutely right.
I've dropped everything I've known.
I've left everything that's familiar.
And the moment that begin to build great relationships and feel comfortable in a new city,
I'm moving to the next.
These past 11 months have been absolutely uncomfortable.
After the fall semester of my sophomore year of college, I moved back to my parents house in Austin.
Then to a one bedroom apartment by myself with an apartment filled with things.
Then to another apartment in Tyler with just a small U-haul and 2 cars packed with things.
Then headed to Louisiana with just a few boxes, a suitcase of clothes and some equipment for the race.
Come January, I'm going to be living out of a backpack, with a tent, a sleeping bag, a pillow, sleeping mat, and a weeks worth of clothes for 11 months.
How is any of this not uncomfortable?
How is any of this not draining?
The hard part isn't necessarily the moving although… it does take a little out of me, the hard part is what I'm leaving behind.
And then I read this,
"When Jesus saw the crowd around him, he gave orders to cross to the other side of the lake. 19 Then a teacher of the law came to him and said, “Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go.” Jesus replied, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.” Another disciple said to him, “Lord, first let me go and bury my father.” But Jesus told him, “Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead.” Matthew 8:18-22
When He calls us , we don't have time to go back, we have to keep moving foward.
Simple words that have so much sacrifice…Follow Me…
Then I watched this video.
And then my heart was spoken for.
I was reminded again of what I signed up for the moment I said yes to Him and no to my own desires.
to follow Him, anywhere, no matter what it may cost.
No matter how hard it might be
no matter how tiring.. or draining.
I was never called TO be comfortable when I said yes to The Lord.
I knew that and now I'm feeling it.
REBUKIN' THAT NONSENSE!
So friends,
this is it, I'm doing it. I'm going.
And this uncomfortable feeling I feel, is GOOD and is absolutely what the Lord asks of me.
I know I'm following in His will.
He's my only dependability, He's the only one who can truly comfort me through this.
I'm loving this process, I'm loving being in line with what He has in store for me.
My dreams are coming true.
Trust me when I say, there is no backing out now.
Watch the video. Get excited with me…
"Trust me,
It's paradise.
This is where the hungry come to feed.
For mine is the generation that circles the globe
In search of something we haven't tried before
So never refuse an invitation.
Never resist the unfamiliar.
Never fail to be impolite.
And never outstay your welcome.
Just keep your mind open and suck in the experience.
And if it hurts,
you know what,it's probably worth it.
You hope,
and you dream
but you never believe that something is going to happen for you
not like it does in the movies.
and when it actually does, you expect it to feel different.
More this or more real.
I was waiting for it to hit me…"
