My Relentless Valentine.

I’ve been dreading this day for almost a month now.

Months ago, while I was happily in a relationship, I had plans for today.

I scheduled this weekend off from work, it was supposed to be a perfect get away with some of our mutual friends.

 

But now, I’m being forced to look around at happy couples, dressed up, holding hands all while sharing a delicious meal or coffee.

Roses and heart shaped chocolates taunt me as I walk through the grocery store.

I can’t help but pay attention to the “For him” and “For her” gifts and cards that surround me.

It’s just another reminder that my relationship is over.

It’s a reminder of what I don’t have.

 

I’ve never had a valentine.

I’ve never had the opportunity to go on a valentines day date, never had the opportunity to dress up and get handed a dozen roses with heart shaped chocolates from my significant other .

Coincidentally, my relationships ended before valentines day, and for years valentines day was a day of grief and mourning.

 

This morning I took some me time and planted myself at Inman perk coffee shop soaking in the atmosphere, sipping on my macchiato, while people watching.

I watched a few well dressed couples interact, watched the way they held each other.

I began to feel lonely and longed for something like that in my own life.
Over and over I would tell myself, “I had that” while beating myself up that I no longer do, cursing my relationship status.

After watching this 4 different times, I grabbed my things, walked to my car while fighting back tears, and when I was safely inside my car the tears wouldn’t stop.

“Why God?” I asked pitifully.

“I love you fiercely.” I heard Him tell me.

“Why am I alone again? My relationship ended around this time last year and again this year?”

“This is our day, daughter. I love you so much I want this day to be ours.” He said.

 

I sat in that for a while unsure of what He meant.

Then it dawned on me, my Father is righteously jealous for me, He’s crazy about me.

 

I’ve been reading status’s saying “GOD LOVES YOU!” “HE IS YOUR VALENTINE!” and i’m all like, “oh okay, says the one who’s dating/married/engaged”. But after my sassy remark the Father tapped me on the shoulder and whispered, “I love you fiercely.”

Immediately something shifted in my spirit and I began to think maybe they have something right.

 

All day today, the Father has been relentless.

In my moments of joy, sorrow, pain, uncertainty, wonder, curiosity, doubt, frustration, and anger, He’s been relentless.

Relentlessly whispering sweet nothings in my ear.
Constantly telling me I’m lovely and worth it, telling me I’m beautiful and a joy to be around, telling me that I’m lovable and kind, telling me I’m confident, telling me that He’s fiercely in love with me and doesn’t want to share this day with anyone else because this is our day.

A day to prove that even on the most “romantic” day, I will never find a man who can or will romance me the way that my Father does.

 

Today, I went bowling and played 2 rounds of lazer tag, I ate pizza and drank beer, I sat with new friends and shared feelings and jokes.

Today I laughed, a lot. It’s the most I’ve laughed in a really really long time… and it’s because in those moments the Father gave me favor and whispered kind words of affirmation of who He thought I was. The God of the universe. The God that can create and take away. The God that sent His son just so He can have a one on one relationship with me.

That God, gave me a joy today that I can’t fully comprehend. That God lavished me with favor and love. That God took the time to make sure I came home at the end of the day in one piece, fully alive and well knowing that He’s for me, that He’s chasing me, that He never gives up on me, that time means nothing to him and He would wait on me no matter how long it took, that He is my relentless valentine… because I’m THAT worth it.

I’m never alone, even though at times I may feel lonely, I will never be alone.

 

My valentine is relentless, and It’s a delight that I no longer have to look at valentines day as a day of mourning and grief.

Instead I get to see this day through lenses of excitement, expectancy, and joy.

This is His and my day because He claimed it for Himself.

He claimed me for Himself.

I’m my Papas.

He is my relentless valentine.