This morning I decided to take up the hobby of Yoga- to get my mind of things and find something to take the place of moping around and watching reruns of Criminal minds, how I met your mother, new girl, and friends. Something healthy and stress relieving.
While waiting for my next yoga class (I've decided to do more than one a day), I've been sitting in a coffee shop avoiding the Word, and doing world race prep.
This being a Christian organization, it's still easy to avoid God.
Which I'm really good at sometimes.
I got bored, picked up my journal and wrote this:
"its been a month since training week and I'm a mess, things out of my control are happening and I don't know how to handle them. I don't want to give them to You. I just don't. Maybe because if I did I wouldn't know where to begin, after I say 'okay this is yours to take care of' where would that lead me. I see it as being a very confused, even more broken, place. Which I don't think I could handle to well.
I'm giving up on my funds. Ive had maybe 100 dollars come in, in the last month. Where are my supporters? God, I need 2,300 more to launch. You're going to have to pull through because I have a little over 3 weeks left. Please. I'm so desperate. I'm so discouraged, so, so discouraged. Help me. Renew my Spirit, Revive me. Love me."
I'm not sorry for the blunt honesty, because that is how I feel. and blunt honesty is how I talk to God.
I picked up my favorite devotional and read this:
November 13
"I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children." (Genesis 18:19)
God chooses people He can depend upon. He knew what to expect from Abraham and said of him, "I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children… that the Lord will bring about for abraham what he has promised him." God knew Abraham would "direct his children." The Lord can be depeneded upon, and he desires for us to be just as reliable, determined, and stable. This is simply the meaning of faith.
God is looking for people on whom He can place the weight of His entire love, power, and faithful promises. And His engines are strong enough to pull any weight we may attach to them. Unfortunately, the cable we fasten to the engine is often too weak to handle the weight of our prayers. Therefore God continues to train and disciple us in His school of stability and certainty in the life of faith. May we learn our lessons well and then stand firm.
God knows that you can withstand your trial, or else He would not have given it to you. His trust in you explains the trials of your life, no matter how severe they may be. God knows your strength, and he measures it to the last inch. Remember, no trial has ever been given to anyone that was greater than the person's strength, through God, to endure it."
-streams in the desert devotional
He has chosen me.
How comforting to know, that this is just another trial and a faith step in His and my journey together.
He will get me that money one way or another.
He see's me hurting.
He see's my pain.
He hears my cries.
(This morning He woke me up at 7 am and had me read this:
'Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
his love endures forever.
Let Israel say:
“His love endures forever.”
Let the house of Aaron say:
“His love endures forever.”
Let those who fear the Lord say:
“His love endures forever.”
When hard pressed, I cried to the Lord;
he brought me into a spacious place.
The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid.
What can mere mortals do to me?
The Lord is with me; he is my helper.
I look in triumph on my enemies.
It is better to take refuge in the Lord
than to trust in humans.
It is better to take refuge in the Lord
than to trust in princes.
All the nations surrounded me,
but in the name of the Lord I cut them down.
They surrounded me on every side,
but in the name of the Lord I cut them down.
They swarmed around me like bees,
but they were consumed as quickly as burning thorns;
in the name of the Lord I cut them down.
I was pushed back and about to fall,
but the Lord helped me.
14 The Lord is my strength and my defense[a];
he has become my salvation.
Shouts of joy and victory
resound in the tents of the righteous:
“The Lord’s right hand has done mighty things!
The Lord’s right hand is lifted high;
the Lord’s right hand has done mighty things!”
I will not die but live,
and will proclaim what the Lord has done.
The Lord has chastened me severely,
but he has not given me over to death.
Open for me the gates of the righteous;
I will enter and give thanks to the Lord.
This is the gate of the Lord
through which the righteous may enter.
I will give you thanks, for you answered me;
you have become my salvation.
The stone the builders rejected
has become the cornerstone;
the Lord has done this,
and it is marvelous in our eyes.
The Lord has done it this very day;
let us rejoice today and be glad.
Lord, save us!
Lord, grant us success!
Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.
From the house of the Lord we bless you.
The Lord is God, and he has made his light shine on us.
With boughs in hand, join in the festal procession
up to the horns of the altar.
You are my God, and I will praise you;
you are my God, and I will exalt you.
Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
his love endures forever.
The one thing He asks of me, I've been avoiding. This morning He said "enough, give thanks to me, for I am good and MY LOVE endures forever. Not earthly loves, not things, not your flesh. but MY LOVE endures forever. Mine."
And my pride hated that, but He met me.
And even though I'm so dang hard headed and selfish…
he desires to place the weight of his entire love, power, and faithful promises on me
to bring into the nations.
me.
me of all people?
yah, me.
geeze.
So, church, I'm going to give thanks to the Lord, for He is good and His love endures forever.
I'm going to trust in His will and know He will provide the money in needed time, not mine.
I'm going to take my hand off of the fundraising all together and let Him work.
I'm going to NOT be discouraged when I feel unsupported because I have so many loving squad mates, loving parents, a beautiful loving team, and friends who do in fact support me. So I'm REBUKING that lie in Jesus' name.
So what about you, friend?
What hard trial are you going through that you should be thankful for?
"God knows that you can withstand your trial, or else He would not have given it to you. His trust in you explains the trials of your life, no matter how severe they may be. God knows your strength, and he measures it to the last inch. Remember, no trial has ever been given to anyone that was greater than the person's strength, through God, to endure it."
I would like to remind you all that I launch on January 9th, 2014. In order to launch, I must have raised $7,500 dollars by December 15th, otherwise I will be unable to depart with my squad and team. As of today, I have 5,350 dollars.
Would you please consider making a faithful, monthly donation of $50, and/or consider a one-time donation to my race. Join me as my support team. This is our journey, Church Family.
Also, I'm doing something called a fund-board:
Here's how it works – I have numbers 1-100 on a piece of paper. Each number represents a dollar amount. When someone commits to donating that number amount, it is taken off of the board.
Through this, it will bring another 5,050 dollars and will help me launch with my team and squad on January 9th! Feel free to share this if you'd like!
If you'd like to donate a particular number, either comment below or message me and I will tell you the step you will need to take next.
You're welcome to take more than one number!
Thanks again for everything. It's a blessing to have gotten this far, and a lot of you we're a part of that.
-Andie
