It's nights like tonight where I sit up for long hours just thinking of the hurt and pain people have caused me. A lot of the time I feel like it's knives jabbing into my stomach and my insides just aching. A little too much? maybe that was a little exaggerated but seriously, when people wrong us and really truly hurt us, people that we love, the feeling comes close to that.
but then I think about how Jesus felt when His own disciples wronged him, when Peter DENIED Him and then I look at how He responded… He had compassion. He sought out Peter. He forgave him. I think about how I wrong and hurt God on a daily basis and he has compassion. He seeks me out. He forgives me.
And the convictions sinks in…
and I don't know what hurts more at that point, the pain ones caused me, or my pride.
Then there's the forgiveness thing…
Forgiveness is a hard concept because we're holding onto something thinking we have a right to be upset.
'But he did this!'
'She did this!'
the constant pointing fingers, when scripture tells us in Matthew 7:4
"Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?"
before evaluating their life and what they do, we need to evaluate our own. I've wronged more people in my life then I can count. More importantly, I've wronged my God more times than I can count. For me to sit and be angry at someone for doing it to me is just silly.
As believers, we're called to forgive and lay it down at the Lords feet. Jesus tells us in Matthew 6:14-15
“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Bam. There's no buts or ifs in that. No excuses.
Humility.
By no means am i saying that it's something that's done over night.
Give it to God and you're hurt is no longer there ever again!
No, I believe that what's done instantaneously is when we call His sweet name… Jesus.. He hears us, and meets us wherever we are in that moment with His compassionate character, I think that's when the healing process begins. That's when He begins to change our heart, He begins to mold us into His likeness, make us feel loved.
Heck, I have years of scars on my plate that are still in the process of healing.
But, I believe that He's healing me. He's moving me. Shaping me. Molding me. Into the Woman of God He intended me to be.
so often I can find myself back in that moment when that pain became so real for the first time and it hurts.
I have to remember that He is still so faithful and called me out of that and brought me to something better, Him.
Tonight, I imagine Him holding me whispering truths to me:
That I'm unique and beautiful. That I have purpose and worth. That I'm valued and Called out and brought in. That I'm Redeemed and His child. That I am an Heir to His Throne. I am a DAUGHTER of the King. That I'm made new in His image. That the same Spirit that lived in Jesus, lives in Me. That I'm pure and NO LONGER a slave to sin. I'm free. That He loves me, He loves me, He loves me. That I am His and nothing can or will separate me from that.
Because that is truth.
Reading that, I find myself crying, because I know it to be true, but so often believe the lies.
I needed to write this blog for myself tonight.
I needed to speak truth to myself.
…Maybe, you needed it too.
