Faith.

The Father has been kind by correcting different places in my life.

Recently, He’s been challenging me in my faith walk.

 

Faith.

What is faith?

 

Hebrews says that it’s “confidence in what we hope for and assurance in what we do not see.”

 

For the last 2 weeks I’ve been stressed out about fundraising,
it happens to be one of the most difficult and humbling things I’ve ever done.

 

I find myself not knowing where to start, who to reach out to, what to even do.

So I send out updates or offer prayer for those who have supported me in the past.

It’s all good stuff… but at the end of the day I want to pull out my hair because I just don’t know what I’m doing and I don’t know why I’m here.

All I know is that I heard God say “Go”, so I left my seemingly comfortable life again and went.

All I know is I hear Him tell me He will provide, but it’s just not enough… I’m not convinced. Why?

 

Where is my trust? Where is my faith?

 

The other day I finally sat with someone who walks in a kind of faith that I’ve never seen before.

I asked him to pray for me, I asked for his advice.

He stared at me and said, “the Father isn’t interested in providing for your funds, He’s interested in your faith. Where is your faith?”

“I don’t have any.” I told him.

He smiled, let out a little laugh, and said “Exactly. God wants to take you to a place where you have a faith that can move mountains. What was Jesus doing in the boat during the storm?”

“He was sleeping.” I said.

“God wants you to rest.” 

 

What? in the middle of my storm… God wants me to rest?

Rest.

Rest knowing that He’s faithful.

Rest knowing that His promises will come to fruition whether that be years from now or even after I die.

 

This man told me to read Hebrews 11.

Today I was sitting in my cubical and opened my bible to Hebrews 11.

 

“Now Faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for. By Faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible.

By faith abel brought God a better offering than Cain did.
By Faith he was commended as righteous, when God spoke well of his offerings. And by faith Abel still speaks, even though he is dead.

By faith Enoch was taken from this life, so that he did not experience death: “He could not be found, because God had taken him away.” For before he was taken he was commended as one who pleased God. And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards whose who earnestly seek him.

By faith Noah, when warned about things not yet seen, in holy fear built an ark to save his family. By his faith he condemned the world and became the heir of the righteousness that is in keeping with faith.

By faith abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.

By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God. And by faith even sarah, who was past child bearing age was enabled to bear children because she considered him faithful who had made the promise. And so from this one man, and he as good as dead, came descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as countless as the sand on the shore. All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country- a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them…”

 

I know God wants me to camp out in Hebrews 11 until I truly get it… but I couldn’t read anymore.

I threw my bible down and for the first time in a long time, I was angry.

 

I realized that so many people in the bible hadn’t seen the Promise, but they still had faith.

I realized that so many people wandered in the desert, but wandered because they had faith.

I realized that so many people didn’t see the fruit of Gods promise until YEARS later, but they still had faith.

I realized that people still trusted God to follow through with His promise… even if it wasn’t in their own lifetime and they were okay with that.

 

I realize that this is me.

This is what my Dad is asking of me.

What if His promises for me happen years and years from now, does that mean he’s unfaithful?

What if I don’t see the fruition of his promises, does that mean he’s unfaithful?

What if I don’t get the funds that I need to stay in CGA, does that mean he’s unfaithful?

What if I don’t get married until I’m 40… or even at all, does that mean he’s unfaithful?

What if I’m told that I’m child-baren, does that mean he’s unfaithful?

What if I’m told that I won’t move back to California, does that mean He’s unfaithful?

No. It doesn’t.

 

My Dad is preparing a city for me.

He’s asking me to walk in a kind of faith that I will never fully comprehend.

He’s taking me into a whole new level of intimacy and relationship with Him.

He’s bringing me to a place where chaos will happen around me and waves will crash on all sides of my boat but I won’t be shaken, I won’t be moved, because my father promises.

 

 

Peter said “lord if it is you, tell me to come to you on the water.”

“Come” Jesus said.
Peter jumped got of the boat and walked towards Jesus, but when he saw the wind, he was afraid and began to sink.
“Lord, save me!” He cried out, immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him,
“oh you of little faith, why did you doubt?”

 

I saw Jesus, I sat face to face with him that Sunday after a hard break up.
With tears rolling down my face I asked Him softly, “Jesus, what do I do?”

“Go” He said.
So I dropped everything, jumped into my car, and drove across the country to Gainesville, Georgia.
The worries of finances and stress of fundraising began to form a wall of doubt that I might have made a mistake. I took my eyes off Jesus and began to allow the spirit of stress and anxiety overthrow me.
“Lord, save me!” I cried out, and just like He did with Peter, my Daddy is reaching out, holding me close while whispering,
“oh you of little faith, why do you doubt?”

 

I don’t anymore, Dad. I won’t. I trust You over Your promises. Though I know Your promises stand firm, I just want You. I’m okay if I don’t see your promises come to fruition, because I have you and I just want to rest in You. I’m putting my faith in You, because You’re good, faithful, trustworthy.