A few days ago, I was encouraged and challenged in my prayer life by the most random people in the most random ways.
Sometime in the afternoon, my friend from camp whom i haven't talked to in months called me, he said that I was the first person he thought to call and just wanted prayer because he was in the midst of a bad problem. He SHOULD have called someone else to get the situation cleared up, he knew he needed prayer… right at that moment.. so he called me… Why?
Then just a few hours later, my sweet friend from Austin emailed me.
His email was a big prayer request and he wanted me to pray on his behalf because he believes that I'm "one of the people in my life with a really intimate and powerful prayer life."
Then at the end of the email thanked me, for being me.
What? Why?
I was in deep anguish after these randos asked me for prayer, not because I didn't want too, but because I haven't had the best of a prayer life lately because i tend to get stuck on how dirty I am and how I don't understand why The Lord would ever love someone like me.
Because of that, there's this barrier between the Lord and I, it's almost like i try to hide from him, KNOWING that there's no chance… so I try by shying away from talking to Him.
the song dirty and left out by the almost is a good glimpse of how I felt:
Hello, I swear I won't be too long
Hello, I promise I'll be real strong
Wait up, I just wanna tell you
Hold up, why are you still here?
I've been dirtier than you wanna know
I've left earlier than you'll ever know
Why do you wanna be all listening to me
Why do you spread your arms and tell me I'm free
Why do you wanna be in my life
In my life
I've been dirtier than you wanna know
I've left earlier than you'll ever know
Jesus, Jesus
There's something about your name
Master, saviour, Jesus
I've been dirtier than you wanna know
I've left earlier than you'll ever know
Jesus
Jesus
But hold up, wake up andie,
reality is: I'm redeemed and the chains of sin no longer HAVE to be there, i'm choosing to let it. I never will comprehend His kind of love. It's so fascinating, unique, genuine, real, and flawless.
Why do I sit and try to understand Him?
there's not way I ever could.
There's no freedom in dwelling on my sinful ways. I'm human, I WILL mess up, no doubt about that.
Freedom comes when I let go and let Him take control.
Yesterday my devotional read:
"Don't be so hard on yourself. I can bring good even out of your mistakes. Your finite mind tends to look backward, longing to undo decisions you have come to regret. This is a waste of time and energy, leading only to frustration. Instead of floundering in the past, release your mistakes to Me. Look to Me in trust, anticipating that My infinite creativity can weave both good and bad into a lovely design.
Because you are human, you will continue to make mistakes. Thinking that you should live an error-free life is symptomatic of pride. Your failures can be a source of blessing, humbling you and giving you empathy for other people in their weaknesses. Best of all, failure highlights your dependence on Me. I am able to bring beauty out of the morass of your mistakes. Trust me, and watch to see what I will do."
He's a chaser ya'll.
He will CHASE till he woes you over whether it be for the first time or for the millionth time.
The Lord was using my friends to remind me that I have to talk to Him, that I am bold, that I am His child, that He wants to use me to be apart of their journey and pray on their behalf.
Why do I try to shy away from Him, when I know there's really no way or chance to be plucked from His hand and constant communication with Him will overcome the LIES that the enemy tries to make me believe?
I'm just so silly.
"Don't be so hard on yourself. I can bring good even out of your mistakes."
"Because you are human you will continue to make mistakes."
"Failure highlights your dependence on Me."
"Look to Me in trust, anticipating that My infinite creativity can weave both good and bad into a lovely design."
"I am able to bring beauty out of the morass of your mistakes."
"Watch to see what I will do."
He's been reciting these specific sentences to me over and over.
how refreshing.
I am loved.
If this is you today, rest in the fact that the Greatest Love of all Isn't caught up in your sin, in fact, he wants to take that sin and roll it up in a little ball and throw It right at satan, then pick you up and love on you in ways you won't even comprehend and all you have to do is let Him. He wants to lead you to paths of righteousness and beauty. He wants constant communication with you. He wants you to be apart of others spiritual walks by praying on their behalf and then getting the opportunity to watch how He works in their life. He wants to be the Good of your bad.
You'll find that beauty in his creation, in others He's redeemed, you'll find beauty in the lost because you'll see in their story how The Lord is chasing after them so hard, youll see that he wants THEM just as much as He wants you.
Dont get stuck on who you are, because, you're human. And lets be real here, you suck hard and there's nothing you can do about that part of you. BUT JESUS is beauty, and HE will restore and make new the sucky parts of you an infinite amount of times.
So quit throwing that pity party, get your act together, get over the fact you're going to suck sometimes, lay that crap down at the Lords feet and "watch to see what I will do."
