I’ve been in this place of re-posting blogs for about a year now. Sad, but true. But since I haven’t really been motivated to sit down and figure out how to put my life and world into words over the last year (there’s been quite a lot), I figured I would communicate about what I do through the people I’m impacting.
So, yet again, here is a blog from on of the girls on the September 2011 squad that I am Field Support for.
She talks about one of the three main things we teach and impart to our participants while they are with us on the World Race. It is something that is at the core of not only our trips, but how we operate as an organization, and even in life in our community in general. This is what I spend my time doing.
It’s a blog about Feedback, aka, Naked Time.
In coming on the World Race- I expected to do a lot of things regularly with my team. But one thing that I didn’t expect to do was get naked.
I have spent a lot of my life in extremely close community.
In high school, I was constantly flanked by 11 other dancers all dressed in the same blue, black and white uniforms. We sweated together, we danced together, and we basked in the sweetness of each other’s dance shoes after 4 hour-long practices. (YIKES!)
When people complain about having three or four roommates- all I can do is laugh as I spent a year and a half living with 89 other women. I lived in my sorority house, which at times felt more like a melting pot of estrogen. We shared clothes, we ate together, we studied together and we played together… we even brushed our teeth together. When one got sick, all got sick. When one had a story to share- the whole house knew about it.
So being on the World Race is nothing new for me. Knowing intimate details about 20 other people’s bathroom habits doesn’t strike me as strange, (that may change as we hit countries that are harder on our digestive systems.) It’s not weird for me to roll over and have a girl six inches from my face- oddly enough… I’m used to it.
There is something missing though from this experience.
I don’t walk around every day with a sinking feeling in my stomach, wondering if when I leave the room, people are going to start talking about me.
I don’t worry that every third day, alliances will change and I have to make sure I’m around when the latest drama happens to make sure I don’t become the enemy.
On the World Race, we talk about each other a LOT… but we do it to each other’s faces.
It’s a little thing we like to call ‘Naked Time.’
Ok… the World Race calls it ‘Feedback,’ but my team decided to rename it.
Feedback is a phenomenon that AIM (Adventures in Missions) holds at the very center of all of their interactions. It’s something we’re required to do every single day.
When they first explained this to us at training camp- I was almost gagging at it’s campy-ness. But as I witnessed it in action, I stopped short. The speaker called out a World Race alumni, and in front of 200 people, he told him exactly what he thought of him, both positive things, and things that this guy could work on.
I was stunned. This no longer seemed lame- it all of a sudden became one of the most refining, and life changing things to ever happen to me.
Feedback always comes out of love, and usually anything constructive is sandwiched in between two positive things. So it doesn’t ever feel negative. It always feels loving.
It’s not calling someone out… it’s calling someone ‘up’ into what you know they’re definitely capable of… but may not be quite reaching.
It’s telling them how great you see that they can be, and helping them figure out how to get there. You have to include specific observations and then a suggestion. And the response to the feedback from the other person always has to be ‘Thank you.’
How often do you wonder what everyone else is thinking- but don’t know how to find out so you can actually change things?
I have five people getting to observe me 24 hours a day, five people giving me encouragement for the things that are awesome that I don’t even see in myself yet.
They get to affirm what God thinks about me and not only help me see it, but help me learn how to live and walk in that.
One night, my teammates told me that I bring peace to situations- that when I am someplace, grace and peace fills the room. I had NO IDEA anyone ever thought that about me.
One of my teammates noticed that I become incredibly insecure when the people around me become quiet and withdrawn. That whenever someone seems checked out, I automatically assume that I’ve done something wrong. I launch into overtime trying to figure out how to make it better, or atone for whatever grievance I may have caused- something that tends to MAKE people mad when it had nothing to do with me in the first place. I had never noticed that before. I sure notice it now! And BOY am I working on it!
Naked time (feedback) is humbling. It is incredibly intimate. There have been times when we’ve had to discuss our deepest hurts and most tender insecurities with tears streaming down our faces. And surprisingly to our wounded hearts- five other faces look back lovingly… not even flinching, not even retreating.
It literally sometimes feels like stripping down and getting absolutely naked in front of other people- terrifying, awkward, humbling, and embarrassing.
But scripture tells us that unity commands a blessing- and such intimacy is absolutely unifying.
Feedback is absolutely revolutionizing my life.
Words have power! Proverbs 18:21 says “the tongue has the
power of life and death.” And we know that to be true. How many times has
someone said something negative to you that has stuck with you and made you
feel terrible for years?
I have memories of things people have said to me that have
haunted me since I was young. They’ve brought death to me… they’ve brought
wounds to my heart that I’m just now starting to dig up and heal.
But words can also work the other way. If someone tells you
that you are a leader enough, you start to feel like a leader. If someone tells
you that you are beautiful and worthy and cherished enough, you start to feel
that way. Words can bring life!
And that’s the essence of feedback. It’s seeing the
potential in someone else- noticing and caring enough to bring them up into it.
It’s knowing who God has made the person to be- and saying
something when you see them acting in a way that doesn’t line up with that.
It’s allowing other people to love you and become intimate
enough with you to change you. God uses us in each other’s lives… he uses us to
speak words to each other, and that’s what happens when you receive feedback.
You allow someone (someone who is being led by God and led by love), to dust
off a buried or broken part of your heart and bring it shining into new light.
It is something that promotes love in relationships.
Communication is so stinking important… and miscommunication is like a death
sentence.
Living in a way where feedback is a natural part of your
relationships helps you lay everything on the table. It destroys gossip, deceit
and slander, and brings ugly lies out into the light- allowing issues to be
resolved.
There is a 24-hour rule on the World Race. If you have a
problem with someone, you have 24-hours to talk to them about it.
The only way you can get kicked off of the World Race, is if
you are slandering someone. We literally were told that if we want to get sent
home, the quickest way is to start speaking poorly about others behind their
back.
They know, and are helping us see that our words have power.
Our tongue has the power of life and death. We either bring life to others
through our words, or spread poison through our words. And they just wont
tolerate the latter.
Coming from environments where girls can eat each other
alive with lies, gossip and talking poorly about each other- I am absolutely in
love with this way of living.
I have people telling me wonderful things all the time- and
helping me see where I’m not living up to who God has made me to be- and then
helping me get there.
I don’t walk out of a room, only to wonder if people are
going to be talking about me behind my back. I know exactly how my teammates
feel about me, and conflict is resolved quickly.
In learning about feedback, I feel like I’ve been given a
gift- a key. It’s something that I know will benefit my relationships for the
rest of my life. So I wanted to bring it to you.
Intimacy is the most amazing feeling in the world. We were
made to be in relationship with each other. The first thing God did was create
men and women to be in relationship together. He created us to intertwine with
each other as he is intertwined in relationship as the trinity. Relationship is
ingrained in us. We need and crave intimacy. But it is such a delicate thing,
that without proper communication, it can get destroyed.
With love, and honesty, and truth, and life in our words-
intimacy is at it’s best. Love is at it’s best. Relationship is at it’s best.
Thank you God for nakedness! 🙂
