Cape Town, South Africa.
For the past two weeks my team has been residing in this city where it is beautiful, comfortable, and almost like being back in America. It’s a bit hard going from extreme third world in Mozambique to a city that looks like Beverly Hills. It has been kind of a culture shock in itself.
Though, it has been a very interesting two weeks. We have been concentrating on sitting with the Lord, and once we’ve sat and can hear and recognize what He’s saying and doing within us, from there we move out and serve.
This practice of sitting and “beingâ€� is a bit frustrating because we are a culture of “doing.” We want results and to see constant fruit from our labor. It was hard for me personally to wake up and just sit with my God, to not read about Him, or journal about what He’s doing, but to just sit and be with Him.
It has been an exciting journey that hasn’t looked like any of the other months of the Race because this journey didn’t really involve learning from external adventure and service (until after about a week, which I will share more about in another post). It was a journey solely of my heart and my relationship with my Father, His Son, and the Spirit inside me.
I have learned that even though I thought I had busted through all the boxes I put God in, that there are still so many confines in which I try to control God. He has been teaching me not to strive after the fruits, after joy or kindness or patience, but to ONLY strive after Him. Why would I want to constantly work at patience or at giving grace or at being joyful, etc., if I could just constantly be with the Giver of all gifts? He hit me over the head with that the other day, and it is something that I think I still know more in my head than in my heart, but that’s the start.
Another thing He has been showing me is how dynamic and intricate, yet simple, is the relationship between the Trinity. God has a relationship with Himself. He loves within Himself. The Father, the Son, and the Spirit are in perfect love and communion with one another. And because of this, God loves us, His children, in perfect love and desires to live in real relationship with us.
This fact hit me hard. I don’t think I had ever really grasped the hugeness of what the Trinity is or why it is important before. And I know my words fall short and don’t nearly do justice to the most incredible picture of love that exists. But, what I am trying to say is that I finally am starting to see the truth of His relationship with Himself, and how I fit into that relationship. Because that Trinity relationship is in place so that God, the Father, while in perfect relationship with Himself in three parts, can both exemplify love and give love out of perfect love. And He does this for me.
Another thing He has been constantly whispering over me is that I am His daughter no matter what. No matter what I do, what I don’t do, what I think, how I see myself, how others see me, no matter what. That I am His. He just speaks those words over me again and again, “You are mine, child. You are mine.� What beautiful words for the Creator of everything to have speaking over you!
And finally, He has been teaching me love and grace. And to lay down judgment. Oh, He hit me hard with that judgment slap. Even though my mouth may not always say it, the enemy often gets a hold of my thoughts. And He has been reminding me over and over again that He is the only judge, and He judges fairly by the heart, not by any standard that I could ever impose on someone. He shows love and grace, constantly and forever, and that is what He desires from me.
So during these couple of weeks of concentrated time being able to just sit and “be,� He has been talking a lot, letting me laugh and cry with Him a lot, letting me fly with Him, be held by Him, be comforted by Him, and be whispered to by Him.
It has been a beautiful little taste of what He desires this relationship of love and of really KNOWING each other can look like. My heart’s desire has been expanded and is now yearning for such more depth with my Father, His Son and my Savior, and the Spirit that lives inside me.
