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a beautiful mess.

April 7, 2009 | by archiveworldraceblogs

THIS BLOG WAS WRITTEN BY A JUNE 2009 RACER– TAYLOR GRIFFITH— ABOUT HIS EXPERIENCE AT THE TRAINING CAMP WE WERE JUST AT… THIS IS JUST ONE EXAMPLE OF WHY I LOVE THIS JESUS WE SERVE AND WHY I AM SO PASSIONATE ABOUT REACHING THIS GENERATION, AND FOR THE KINGDOM IMPACT WE CAN HAVE!
 
GET READY FOR AN UNCENSORED MESS– HERE IS TAYLOR’S STORY:

Eighteen
years ago I became ensnared by the attractive web of hardcore porn.  I
was a six year old Christian and the 18 years that followed have been
full of many different struggles.  I mean, I’m sure we can all attest
to having mommy and daddy issues, issues of self-worth, loneliness,
insecurity, and hopelessness.  I experienced all of these and more.  It
was all big stuff, but the porn, that eventually grew into a drive for
sex, continued to be a CRUSHING burden with no escape in sight.  I did
experience growth and success in areas of my life and even bared fruit
in the name of Christ, but I never experienced deliverance, deliverance
that we all read so much about in the Bible.  That is until this
Thursday, April 2nd, on AIM’s training grounds.
 
After five days of experiencing freedom from my generational
family sin, feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, the need for
female attention, and a laundry list of others, we began talking about
spiritual gifts like: prophecy, healing, visions, and intercession. 
After Pastor Mark finished speaking, he invited any member of our 34
person team, who wanted more of what God had to offer, even if we
weren’t sure about all this stuff, to come up and be prayed for.  I
knew that I wanted to receive any gifts that God would give me, so I
walked up, trying the whole time to fight off the doubts that continued
to grow in my mind.  You see, after experiencing days full of emotional
freedom, and a pouring and softening of my heart, it was strange that
on this night I didn’t feel a thing, nothing at all.  As I’m standing
there, waiting, Matt, one of our leaders, looks up at me from praying
over a friend.  He gives me a huge smile and points at me while
mouthing the word, “You!”  At this point I knew it was time to get down
to bitness.
 
Continue reading at your own “religious” risk, because I’m about
to blow the top off that box you’ve kept God in all these years!  I’m
not really sure why I fell, but as Matt and Pastor Mark began praying
over me, I lost my footing and Matt slowly lowered me to the ground. 
They never stopped praying, even for a second.  Pastor Mark walked off
to tend to others, while my brother Will
walked over to replace him.  At this point I had begun to shake
sporadically .  I would experience short bursts of intense shaking, or
a long sting of gentle shaking.   My left hand began to take on the
form like that of a stroke victim and my mouth was locked in some form
a “O” shape.  I began to feel something moving in my arm and mouth as
well.  It was as if my body were numb and asleep, without the needling
pain that usually accompanies such sensations.  As my convulsions grew
bigger and more intense, I started sputtering.  The men praying over me
were encouraging me to speak in tongues and inviting the Holy Spirit to
work through me.  All the while I was thinking, “Hmm, this is getting
pretty weird, but I guess I’m starting to speak in tongues!”
 
Matt heard my sputters and urged me to speak louder.  Will was
beginning to praise God, but his heart was telling him to, “Rebuke!” 
Will was confused, “No God, this is a good thing!  He’s speaking in
tongues and your Spirit is on him.  This can’t be bad!”  But his heart
continued to shout, “Rebuke!”  He was getting frustrated, so he opened
his eyes.  When he did this, what he saw and did after his eyes were
open confirmed what his heart was saying.  At the base of my throat was
a giant lump and when Will put his hand on the lump, I think we all
knew at that moment it wasn’t the Holy Spirit I was manifesting, but a
demon!  “Holy s–t…it’s a demon,” I remember thinking.  The intensity
of Matt’s prayers increased and I could literally feel the air around
me growing thicker as my convulsions and their prayers grew in
paralleled unison.  Once Matt felt that it was a demon, he began asking
God to give him its name.  He prayed louder and harder!  “Give me a
name Lord! I need the name!”  That was all Will needed to hear and he
finally confirmed his heart with his mouth and shouted, “I rebuke
you!”  Matt immediately followed that with the demon’s name, “Sexual
shame!”
 
 My eyes shot open!  My body took on a mind of its own!  I had no
control, but I felt everything.  Anger, so much anger!  Their hands had
been on me, but they lost their grip as I tried to pull away.  I
started for the left side of the room, but by this time they had
tackled me back to the ground.  I was clawing the ground and screaming,
“Nooo! Nooo! Nooo!” With a guttural scream that came from something
deeper than myself.  It was full of fear, power, and hate.  I was
literally dragging the two of them across the room.  They never stopped
praying!  Time seemed to slow down and the two to three minutes after
the demon manifested itself seem much longer now as I’m remembering
it.  By this time two more guys on our team joined Matt and Will in
holding me down and praying over me.  I remember seeing Warren and AJ
with their faces taking on intense forms of prayer as the demon was
trying to fight them off.  Four men were trying to hold me down and I
was still dragging them as I fought.  I was so strong!  Then there came
the turning point…
 
I literally felt a weight come over me, that was so heavy, I can
only assume was the hand of God.  The demon was powerless, but I could
still feel the intense hatred!  Somehow during this time they flipped
me onto my back and Matt had begun praying into my face as loudly and
powerfully as he could muster.  The demon looked him square in the face
and the hate grew more intense!  It was hard to believe!  My screams
of, “Nooo!”, turned to curses of, “F–k you! F–k you! F–k you!”  They
never stopped praying.  The process climaxed and the Spirit of God was
upon me.  The demon had no choice, but to flee, he was beaten.
 
I immediately felt an incredible peace.  I was sweating, hoarse,
and exhausted beyond measure, but there was a giant smile on my face. 
I knew and felt God’s love in the deepest parts of my soul.  I had been
given freedom, a word that has become the theme of my life these past
days.  I finally recognized the power of God’s people and the strength
he’s put in all us Christians!  The box of religion that I’ve always
put him in was laying pieces around me.  “Thank you Father,” I breathed.
 
 — If you have any questions, I encourage you to ask!  This is
pretty big stuff for most of us.  It was big for me!  But I believe
that our God is capable of anything!   He loves you and wants you to
know that He sent His son to set you free!

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