My Amazing Challenge

I have this dear friend- Ellice. We met a hundred years ago when we were part of our church's women's ministry "To Be." I was to be a Mentee and she was to be a Mentor. The leaders of this ministry partnered us together because both loved musical theatre and showtunes. We'd never met before. We didn't strike it up seamlessly, but as she's been my mentor now for 7 years, I think we've pretty much worked out the kinks.

Ellice is the voice of reason in my life. She's also my encouragement, my logic, and my come-back-to-earth-edness. When I am struggling with just life in general, she gently pulls me back on track.

I have always been known as a bubbly, enthusiastic, energetic person. I am passionate about more than a few things. A trademark I've been teased about my whole life long is the exclamation, "That's AMAZing!!" Ellice tells me I used to say this so often, she and her husband would tease me about it, but because they found my endless repetition endearing. Finding joy in everything around me was a gift.

I've lost that gift in the last few months.

I work as a server in a restaurant, and it. is. terrible.  We've had over 13 managers in the last 2 years alone, each with his/her own unique style of management and, consequently, his/her own unique understanding of standards and rules.  As such, my work environment has become a place of frustration, resentment, and hostility. It is a place where "rules" change constantly, servers are frequently chided for breaking rules we had no idea about, or just plain not being able to read minds about what managers, or guests, want. It is a place where I have lost myself.

When I walk into work I become a completely different preson. I walk through the doors and whatever happy day I may have been having dissolves immediately into a bad one, full of annoyance and quick temper. I lose sight of happiness and goals. Sometimes I honestly forget why living is important. I know that sounds a little overdramatic, but it's the honest truth. These are even words I've heard other servers say about themselves.

It's like I forget who I am.

Lately it's been worse than ever. I physically leave work, but the emotional toll remains. I don't find much joy in things. I don't say "That's AMAZING!" very often anymore. Why? Because I don't see it. I don't see "AMAZING" in very many things.

I brought this up to my dear Ellice this evening, after babysitting her precious babies while she and her husband kicked some booty on their church volleyball team. She patiently listened to all my ranting, waited while I blew off all the steam I had in me, and happily watched as I unloaded all my frustration and anger and resentment about how I get treated at work. And then she gave me some solid advice:

"How many days do you have left at work?" (I'm writing her words in burgundy, because that's her favorite color. And yes, I just asked.)

"I DON'T KNOW!" (clearly, I'm still yelling at this point. Not at her)

"Well, that's task #1. Pick up your computer, look up a calendar, and count how many days there are left before you leave."

So I do this. "39."

"That's great! Anybody can do anything for 39 days. Take Survivor! That's exactly how much time they have to deal with being deprived of food, sleep, and comfort, while dealing with the worst personalities that come out in the midst of heat or cold or challenge. 39 Days- because that's the limit for a human being. So here's my challenge to you: everyday, you have to send me things about your day that are AMAZING. And they have to be specific. You can't just say I'm off work or I'm alive. They have to be specific. Send them to me every day for 39 days- this will not only form a habit of thanksgiving for you, but it will keep you accountable AND help you to get through every last day at work."

She went on to say that she completely understood how I felt, and that both she and her husband had felt exactly the same way in certain jobs that they'd had. It felt nice to know that this was a challenge she had to go through herself (hers was to find things she was thankful for)- not because I was glad she had to suffer, but because I knew this encouragement was coming from a very real place.

It just takes one thing to put the Day in a Win column. Today SUCKED. Work was so tough on me emotionally. I went home angry, bitter, and full of rage that caused me almost to walk out. And that's not me! I'm not the kind of person to quit anything without just cause or enough notice to make sure no one else is affected. But I truly, almost did. I also had to cancel my Small Group because I ended up having to stay at work too late. I then had ZERO time to run errands before my knitting group met. And I know what you're thinking- just don't show up to the dang knitting group if you have stuff to do. But it's MY group- of people that are all connected to me (not necessarily to each other), and we only meet twice a month. THEN, I needed to leave early in order to go babysit for Brad and Ellice so they could go win their volleyball game (which they TOTALLY did). But I'm also an Introvert (FOR SURE…like, BY A LOT), and I desperately need alone time to recharge. There are people on this earth that draw their energy from being around people- that's not me. And it was looking like that wasn't about to happen today.  Just- everything was rough.

But then I got to my stitching group, and I saw my precious friends, and it was AMAZING. I had a friend show up who handed me a check to support my World Race trip. AMAZING. I went to babysit for Brad and Ellice, and both of their kids were asleep. ALONE TIME. AMAAAZZZIIINNNG. I then got to sit and talk with Ellice about my horrible day, and the things she shared with me and said to me were so life-giving and encouraging. It was seriously AMAZING.  So as much as today really sucked, and took a lot out of me- it's still in the WIN column. And tomorrow? Tomorrow I don't work at the restaurant job. So tomorrow is automatically in the WIN column today! And that's AMAZING!

It's all about perspective. I used to see the world as positive, fun, exciting, and wonderful, because I was focusing on the AMAZING. I have let that slip because of how bad things have gotten in one small part of my life. Because of this, my entire life has been affected. I need to stop focusing on the dumb things, and refocus on the amazing, because there are AMAZING things happening all the time, everywhere, everyday. And I want to see them.