Here in the Philippines our joint teams O-TAE have been doing group devotions every morning at 7. This particular morning, led by Chelsea, was especially thought provoking. We talked a lot about who God is and different characteristics that He possesses, as our Lord and Father. Two questions Chelsea posed hit me deeply:
In what ways has your view of God changed or grown in the past year?
What traits have been especially revealed to you?
At first I honestly didn’t know how to answer, even just to myself. I’ve spent so much time this year learning more about who I am and how valuable that is that I almost feel like I’ve missed out on how glorious the Father is. I say all the time that I came on this race to be a missionary to the world, and instead (almost on Day One) God flipped the tables and became a missionary to me, ripping open my heart and soul and personality and stirring up the depths (sometimes painfully) to reveal the beauty and the value within.
So for a long time this morning I sat, feeling ashamed and embarrassed, that I made this year about me.
But then I started thinking about all the things God has done to get through to me this year. He pushed me into tough places, asked me challenging questions, gave me beautiful and awe-inspiring views (right alongside dirty and smelly and hurtful ones), introduced me to people who helped transform and reshape my ideas of God and Christianity and Church and Ministry and Mercy and Hope and all that other bible-influenced lingo we hip-Christianese like to use in everyday conversation.
What does that say about God? What characteristics has He been powerfully (albeit humbly and quietly) revealing to me in the midst of sifting through all my garbage?
One of my teammates this morning, after prompting, shared that he had discovered more about God as Shepherd, and as I let that sink in I was genuinely moved.
Is this who God is? Is this who He has been revealing Himself to be? My Shepherd?
A shepherd is with his sheep 24/7. A shepherd sleeps, eats, and meditates with his sheep. He guides them to rivers and streams to drink, he takes them to lush, flat places to graze, he stays alert as they rest in order to protect them from the unknown, the unseen, the dangerous. When the weather gets bad, the shepherd remains with his flock; he doesn’t leave them behind for his own comfort or security. They rest assured that as long as their shepherd is with them, they are safe, even if uncomfortable for a little while.
God is my Shepherd. He has been leading me, and guiding me, and resting with me all year. He has been using His time to teach me about my own value as one of His own, rather than about how awesome He is (which He is). He has led me through rocky ravines of spiritual famine and past high cliffs of fear and stubbornness. He has protected me from the wolves of gossip, frustration, and poor self-image, and has taken me to plateaus of beauty, peace, and rest.
I am proud to say I am a sheep.
Sheep can be dumb, shortsighted, and restless and I, too, share these qualities from time to time. More often than not, I’m afraid. But they are valued and loved and protected. A shepherd would give his life to protect his flock from a lion if it came down to it. I am valued, and loved, and protected by my Shepherd, whom I can trust in to guide me through the scary places, or the dry places into places of lavishness and life, into spaces that provide nourishment and ease. Maybe it takes forty years to get to that place of contentment, maybe it takes one moment… But, as a sheep in the flock of my Savior, I am assured and confident that following Him wherever He leads me, through famine or prosperity, through flood or sanctuary, I am protected, valued, and loved.
I’m proud to be a sheep.
