People have been asking me daily now, "What are your expectations for this trip? What are some of your fears? What are you most excited about?" And perhaps here is a great place to sort through and process that information.
I expect for my entire world to be turned upside down. I expect for all of my perspectives, world views, and thought processes to be profoundly altered. I expect for my comfort zones to be radically attacked and perhaps my fears, once realized, to be dealt with and grown from.
I have a great expectation that the Lord will reveal in me pieces of my heart that have been hidden or lost behind protective walls of sarcasm, apathy, and blissful ignorance, and that He will gently but firmly guide me in dealing with them. I hope He will develop in me a heart broken not for myself or situations I find myself in, but for the world- for all peoples and nations, for every man, woman, and child in need of encouragement, support, and healing… that He will break my heart for the things that break His.
I also fully expect that my need for modesty and privacy will be attacked. Living with six or seven other people in close, intimate settings, working for days at a time without a shower, experiencing all the glory that comes from public (and I mean PUBLIC) restrooms (a hole in the ground?) will give me a brand new respect for people living outside of the comforts that I get to experience every day in America. I really like to shower. And I really like to be alone in the bathroom. These things I consider ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY in my life today are going to quickly become a rare luxury.
I've often been asked what my biggest fear is concerning this trip. Some people worry that my own self-discovery through third-world experiences might be a painful process. Some people worry I might fear political upheavel or civil unrest in different countries: The World Is An Unsafe Place. Some people are concerned for all the traveling we'll be doing, and the various ways you can find yourself injured on the road or in the air. More people are worried about the dangers of food, water, and disease in countries I've not yet been to. Honestly- and this comes from the very bottom of my heart- my biggest fear is…
INSECTS.
Camel spiders, anyone?
But beyond this, I am really, really, really excited for God to show me my limits… and then draw me through them. I'm READY for my world to be turned upside down. I have a DESIRE to be brokenhearted for the world. I have an eager anticipation to be the Lord's hands and feet wherever He sends me.
My dream is that the Lord will use this time overseas to teach me what is really important in this lifetime (read: NOT materials) and to reveal in me a specific calling. I really love ministering to high school and college-aged girls- I have a heart for ministry concerning self-esteem, singlehood, dating, and sex. But I'm praying that the Lord will take that even further, showing me where I might go or what I might do to minister in a more intentional manner. I've read some blogs from former World Racers doing ministry with women and young girls who have been rescued from human trafficking and this seems like something I would be really interested in! I have a great desire to help women find healing and rehabilitation from pain and abuse, from being sold and treated like pieces of property, or from living a life on the streets, not wanted by anyone. My dream job would be to work in a Girls' Home somewhere, helping girls re-take ownership of their hearts and their bodies, and helping instill in them a sense of Self, Purpose, and Hope.
But we'll see what the Lord has for me. They say if you ever want to make the Lord laugh, tell Him your plans… so while these things are desires I have now, I KNOW that He sees the bigger picture (while I just see this little bitty snapshot), and I KNOW He has a BEST for me. I'm praying through this year that He will reveal to me a little piece of what my future might be. He doesn't have to show me the end result, but I do pray for direction as to where to place my next step.
All in all, however, (and this will be much more prominent and impassioned once I actually launch), my biggest prayer and greatest hope is that He will help me be fully present in every situation. I pray that I don't miss out on any moment, even if it feels insignificant- that the Lord will keep me focused and invested in whatever and whomever is in front of me, that I may glorify Him in all that I do, say, think, and feel.
