If you haven’t figured it out already let me go ahead and tell you that even when school is over you will continue to be tested. Yes, it is a fact and one that I personally am not fond of. I’m a terrible test taker and actually decided not to further my schooling after my bachelor’s degree simply because of tests. So this fact leaves a sour taste in my mouth. Thankfully, God doesn’t grade us.
I chose to attend college at a Christian institute because I wanted to strengthen my faith. Well, that happened, but upon my graduation day I found myself still searching for that strength I wanted. The kind of faith in God that makes you weak in the knees and surrender yourself with full abandon.
So when I graduated I made a list of ‘To Dos’ in my “year off” from the real world. These included several miscellaneous things like travel to a new place, buy a new car, get a handgun, learn a new language, etc. At the top of this list I placed ‘Strengthen Faith.’ So this time, instead of taking matters into my own I hands I prayed about it. I asked God that He take my heart and make it more like His. This is where the test comes in. Instead of just giving me what I have asked for God is teaching me through a series of tests.
You see, I’ve never been afraid of anything. Jump off that bridge into the river? I’m there! Repel off the side of the mountain FACE FIRST, I’ve done that too. Snorkel with sharks? Check. Speak in front of a crowd of people? I’m a public relations major, public speaking is what I do. I’ve never worried and get frustrated with those who do because I’ve always said God is in control. I’ve never experienced anxiety or very much real stress for that matter. I like to think of myself as a care free spirit who is abundantly blessed.
For the first time in my life I have experienced anxiety. As I have been accepted to the World Race I feel anxious at times. My heart races. I’m short of breath and my thoughts spin out of control. Anxious about the finances, leaving my home for 11 months, living simply from a backpack, missing the people I love, and finally returning to my life to find everything upside down and not knowing what to do. Anxiety is an emotion I have never had to face until now and it scares me. So as I think about my reasons for anxiety I remember that God has a plan. Every time I am anxious I pray.
God says:
Isaiah 41:10
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Philippians 4:6-8
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
My anxiety is a test. A test to lay all of my fears and concerns at the feet of God, and He will take care of me. I am being tested to trust in His will and way to know that whatever happens it is for His glory. I am being shaped into the ultimate warrior for Christ. My dad shared with me this quote:
“Warriors are not born, and they are not made… Warriors create themselves through trial and error, pain and suffering, and their ability to conquer their own faults…”
I asked for strengthened faith and that is exactly what I’m getting. God is testing me through trials leading up to my World Race journey and I know there will be many more to come!
James 1:2-4
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
And yes, through a series of events I have accomplished much of my ‘To Do’ list. I have a ‘new’ vehicle, I am the owner of a handgun, I have travelled somewhere new and am about to travel to many more, and I have a feeling I’m going to learn some new languages. I won’t be fluent, but I will know more than I do now. God is working! And He is good!
