I arrived at our ministry site for the month and was instantly excited!
No, I was not excited about living on top of a giant mountain surrounded by other gigantic mountains in the Dominican Republic. No, I was not excited about starting month 9 of our Race and being that much closer to being “home”. And no, I was not at all excited for “Womanistry” (a month of the Race where all the women of the squad get to live and work together).
Actually, I was excited because I was told we would be living in tents.
Now, any typical Racer is generally excited about that. And the reasons vary between, one: you will actually put to use that stupid thing called a tent you’ve been dragging around for the last eight months. Two: you will now obtain closure on those few hundred bucks you spent on that thing called tent. Or three: you will finally get some PRIVACY.
My excitement was definitely for the latter. But for all the wrong reasons.
Later that night our group of 10 met for a bible study. The strongholds of sexual sin was brought up by a squad-mate. Another spoke on a word she received earlier saying people would be struggling with masturbation this month. The 9 of them agreed if anyone needs help to speak up and people would pair up to share tents and pray for each other daily. That word was for me, but I kept my mouth shut. I decided if I was going to kick this disgusting habit to the curb I wanted to do it alone. My intentions were not to put a stop sign on masturbation. I wanted it gone. So every night since, I have been battling this thing. It feels like an addiction. Some days are harder than others. But I stand here today, on our last day in the D.R., one hundred percent clean.
It took me a while to understand why sex is wrong outside a marriage. And even longer to understand why masturbation is also wrong. There’s no specific verse on masturbation and nowadays we seem to want to take things literally.
“Thou shall not commit adultery” is the well-known verse which states sex outside a marriage is wrong.
This verse states that touching, thinking, or even looking at anyone in a sexual manner who isn’t your wife nor your husband means you are committing the act of adultery.
Because Wife and Husband is NOT the same as: your Boyfriend or Girlfriend, your live-in BF or GF, your best-friend, your neighbor, your friends with benefits, your cousin, someone else’s husband or wife, your roommate, your work-out buddy, a prostitute, a college buddy, person you just met at the bar, person you watched cross the street, person you’ve been on and off with for the last 10 years, etc.
So unless you are in a relationship called MARRIAGE, you are not to think, touch or look sexually at ANYONE.
(Charge to all Parents! Please don’t ever tell your kid: sex is bad. They will quickly find out you’re terribly wrong, mom and dad, it’s actually quite awesome. And two, please don’t just stop at: It’s wrong because God says so. Tell your kid the whys! Go read your bible. Figure it out! Ask someone. Don’t deprive your child of the beautiful knowledge of this thing called covenant and the beautiful picture marriage paints for Jesus and the Church!)
So knowing I was committing adultery should have been enough to stop me, right? It wasn’t. I had to do a lot of reading and a lot of listening. After listening to David Platt’s sermon on The Cross and Christian Sexuality, here’s what I now know about masturbation:
Masturbation goes completely against God’s design for sex at every level.
Masturbation teaches people to mentally, physically, emotionally satisfy themselves apart from a husband or wife in a way that goes against God’s good design.
God designed sex to be relational. But masturbation is lustful.
Sex is designed to be experienced in a relationship with a husband and wife. Not with you sitting alone thinking about someone who is not your husband or your wife.
God designed sex to be covenantal. But masturbation is totally non-committal.
Sex is meant to bind a man and woman in a committed covenant relationship. It’s the sign of the covenant! But masturbation completely perverts the covenant making; celebrating; renewal. Because masturbation makes a commitment to no one else but yourself.
God designed sex to be intimate. But masturbation is superficial.
It is not at all reflectant of the intimate union that God has designed for sex.
God designed sex to be fruitful. But masturbation is fruit-less.
God designed sex to be selfless. But masturbation is self-centered.
Masturbation is about your desire to satisfy yourself rather than give yourself to satisfy someone else. Which goes completely against God’s design for sex.
I may not have been doing the act of sex, but I was certainly thinking about it all the time. In a way God commands me not to. And to be truthful, all this knowledge about masturbation, most days, doesn’t do much for me either. There needs to be a heart change.
In Romans 13 Paul says
“The night is far gone; the day is at hand. So then let us cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light.Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy.But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.”
That last phrase “But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh” and lots and lots of prayers is what is keeping me sober.
I have been on the field 9 months. And it has been 9 months of sex-therapy with my Dad. I know, awkward! But really. And I have never felt more free. More empowered.
M O R E B E A U T I F U L.
Isaiah 1:18 says:
“Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord:
though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red like crimson,
they shall become like wool.”
White as snow, me Lord? Yes you, my child.
Yes, me.
And yes, you.
