we have been so blessed by the people of puerto rico. I wish that I was able to blog more often because there are so many things I want to share…we have been working incredibly hard doing manual labor…cleaning up yards, cleaning inside of houses and painting. showing love to the locals so practically is a new way of ministering for me and I have fallen in love with it. at the end of the days we are exhausted, but we are able to look and see what we’ve completed and see how that has opened the doors for some conversations and vulnerability with these people that otherwise may not have happened. I’m excited to see how these relationships develop over the next few weeks that we’re here.
I really want to share what the Lord has been doing in my life…He is teaching me so many things and I am excited to share!
I’ve realized that some of the most beautiful people I know are the ones who love the Lord so much that you can’t help but notice it right away. Their joy makes them beautiful.
As I began this journey of pursuing the Lord in a new way, I felt as if the He was asking me to start from the beginning…so, I began reading through Genesis. Everytime I read, I felt discouraged…why am I reading lineages? Why am I reading about geography that I don’t understand or Abram’s circumcision? but, I plowed on and kept reading. Earlier this week, I could not fall asleep at all, it was nearing 3am…as I was praying, asking the Lord to PLEASE quiet my mind so that I could sleep I began thinking about the passages I had been reading…the Lord’s faithfulness was the theme of everything. I remembered stories I had read like Noah, where he looked absolutely crazy to people for building an ark, but he didn’t care and the Lord spared his life. Someone like Lot, who the Lord warned to leave Sodom because He was going to destroy it. He told a few others to come with him, and they thought he was crazy, and didn’t go with him…he trusted the Lord more than he cared about peoples opinions, left and his life was spared. Abraham sacrificing Isaac and looking insane. The servant finding Rebecca risking looking silly. There are SO MANY examples in Genesis of people putting God’s plan and thoughts above the opinions and thoughts of people and the Lord blessing them because of it.
Sometimes I blame social media for this problem I have…I hate on instagram when girls post a picture with the caption, “hanging with this gorgeous girl!” or comment on a selfie – “so pretty!” because in reality, a lot of time the compliment rings untrue in the standards of society…and completely discredits the words they are using.
but when it comes down to it, I don’t think my issue is one about physical beauty at all. that is so encouraging to me because that’s why I thought this was going to be impossible to overcome…because He wasn’t just going to make me pretty. but these stories have reminded me that I don’t need to care about the weight that I can’t get rid of, the fact that my eyes shut too much when I smile or that my hair is always wrong. these insecurities scream that I’m looking for the approval of people. In reality, Jesus took away all the ugliness that matters when He died on the cross.
This is all a little easier to see, say and believe when living in community where crocs and a clean tshirt are considered looking pretty and you eat rice and beans or you don’t eat. So, I’m going to keep reminding myself of this, living it out and practicing it while it’s easier. I will continue to ask the Lord to help me truly and honestly believe all this in my heart while it is easy for me to believe so that when I get home and being put together feels like it matters again, I can be confident in the beauty that is found in the joy of the Lord that has grown in me.
Sooooo, that’s where I am with that. I’m going to keep working on it, but I am so thankful that the Lord didn’t leave me confused and wanting more…that He is meeting me where I am, making it practical and is loving me through all this messy thinking.
What goodness the Lord is showing me by placing me in a life situation where this stuff comes more naturally and giving me a chance to understand it, practice it, and really grasp it before throwing me back into life where the struggle started.
He is so good. Amen?
