This month I've seen volcanoes from the seat of a kayak, people healed, the sunrise from the top of a mountain, 11 year-old street children shown love for the first time, monkeys, people led to Christ, and I've seen myself grow into a giant.
But one thing I haven't seen… a blog post. I've had intense writer's block this month, a new concept to me. Every time I sit down to write a blog, nothing comes out. Out of all the incredible things that have happened, I just can't seem to get it down on a blog.
One thing I have worked through this month is fear. The fear of being alone and of being forgotten. Two things Satan rooted in me from childhood. This month those roots were ripped up, torn open, and unknotted. Maybe the most painful emotional process I've been through, but so freaking rewarding. But there is still one itty-bitty fear that I have, and it's causing my writer's block.
I am afraid of what people will think. And I'm throwing it out in the open, because I don't want it anymore, and I'm going to get rid of it right now. I have been afraid my writing will suck, and that everyone will think so, even though I know I write well. I am afraid people will be offended by what I have to say, and stop reading. I am afraid my donors will disagree with what I am learning or saying, and stop funding me before my deadlines. I am afraid people will be afraid of me when I get home or be weirded out, when I blog about what God is showing and doing to me.
But as of this moment, I have decided to throw fear to the wind. It is not of God, and not doing anything to further me or His kingdom. So I want to let you all know, that you should be prepared. Things might get a little strange, a little messy, a little raw, a little offensive, a lot of me… the real new raw-spirit filled-vision seeing-hands that heal-prophetic-prayers that are answered-gifted in exhortation and discernment-vulnerable-strengthened-patient-sacrificing-giant in Jesus ME.
I will have no fear. Things will get real. Blog posts will be written.
(Taken on the edge of a 2000 foot cliff… of course God would place a single flower there)
