I left myself in Vancouver. My body got on the plane to Launch, but big parts of me were left behind. My personality and sense of self never made it on the plane. Until yesterday, I had been functioning with half my heart, and half my self.
I prayed for God to fix me, and send me the missing parts. To remind me who I was so I could be 100% here. It didn't happen. So I tried to fix it myself. I tried to put on an act… fake it till you make it, right? Nope. Nothing I tried in my own power worked. So I tried something different.
Backtracking for a second…. a lot of people on our squad are having identity issues this month. Leaving everything you know and everyone who knows you isn't easy. G-Squad has spent this first month together. Maybe you're thinking 'that's awesome, all of you together!'. But really for a lot of us it feels like getting lost in a crowd.
But no one was talking about it. No one was addressing the biggest elephant in the room. Until I started sharing with others who then shared back, I had no idea anyone else was feeling the same way. I had no idea having an identity crisis is a pretty common way to start the race.
So a few days ago, I decided that I couldn't fix myself, and I tried something different. I started praying differently. Enough with the vague, general prayers. It was time to get real with God. Over the course of 2 days, the missing parts showed up, and I woke up one morning, with a total sense of self.
But a lot of people on my squad are still struggling. So during worship last night, I shared what I prayed, and declared this over the group:
Up until today I had been really struggling with identity issues.
And I know a lot of you have been struggling with the same thing.
But that's total crap and I just first want to speak against all identity issues in this room.
You know who you are. Yes, you're a daughter of Christ, but that's not all.
We're not all the same, and you should know in confidence who you are.
So don't be satisfied praying the same vague prayer, and getting no results. Start praying for real.
Pray for God to show you what you are totally awesome at.
Pray for God to show you your skills.
Pray for God to show you what you absolutely suck at.
Pray for God to show you how you can feed others.
Pray for God to show you how you need to be fed.
Pray for God to show you your spiritual gifts.
Pray for God to show you the new things he's doing in you.
Pray for God to show you the itty-bitty parts of yourself only he knows exist.
Identity problems are crap, and you don't need to struggle with that.
God has good stuff for you, like really frickin' good.
Ask him to make you an open book to yourself, and take ownership over who you are.
There was such a release that night. A release of identity, a release of tension, and the snapping sound of one more chain being broken off our squad.
I am in Honduras. All of me is here. And all of me is leaving for Guatemala in 4 days.
