I am sitting on a bed, somewhere in Nicaragua, looking at the 500 bug bites on my legs. Yup, 500 freaking bug bites on my legs… most of them below the knee.
It was our first day at our ministry site, and we all had a ton of laundry to do. I brought my laundry down to the washing station and got started hand scrubbing it. After a few minutes I started feeling little tickles on my legs, but figured it was just the wind against my sweat (yup, it's so hot your legs sweat while you're standing still). A few of my teammates were sitting 15 feet away chatting, and all was good in the world. Then, about 20 minutes in, with 1 shirt left to wash, I started to feel a burn, and looking down I realized that it was not the wind and sweat making me itch, it was teeny tiny little black bugs. I grabbed my laundry, without washing that last shirt, hung it on the line, and took off for tiled ground, away from the grass.
Later that night, my legs started to really burn and itch, and little red dots started to pop up on my legs. I put on some after-bite and went to bed. Now for the horror story part… when I woke up, I took off my silk sleeping bag liner and looked down at my legs… which were COVERED in red bug bites. Like actually covered. It looked like what I imagine leprosy to look like. Freaking scary.
If you want to know what it felt like, just imagine having hundreds of mosquito bites covering your legs, all itching at once. And man, was I frustrated.
But shockingly, frustrated as I was, I was not angry, or pissed. I didn't use them as an excuse not to work (though it would have been a valid excuse). I didn't get mad or frustrated at my team, and blame it on the bug bites. I simply had bug bites, and went on being myself.
Maybe this doesn't seem so shocking to you, but 3 months ago I absoultely would have used the bites as an excuse for bad behaviour. For being short and snippy with teammates, for getting frustrated at people who did nothing wrong. I would have had a bad attitude.
But something in me has changed. Drastically changed. My heart has shifted. I don't get angry, frustrated, upset, or annoyed, even 1/100th as much as before. Between God and my team, all that crap was loved out of me. Those actions were based out of fear, fear brought on by 23 years of lies and words of death spoken over me.
But back in Guatemala, that fear was broken off, those lies were brought into the light and truth was spoken. I left all the crap back in San Pedro, and here I am. As God made me, with a foundation cemented in truth and love.
So the bug bites weren't an excuse for a bad attitude. In fact, they were an example of how someone can push past their circumstance and have a positive attitude.
Now they're healing, and despite how easy it would have been to let them to tear me down, they actually built me up, and gave me a way to test the changes in myself in a difficult situation. I passed the test. Things really have changed.
The Race is going to hold a lot of difficult situations, circumstances that totally suck, and times where taking your frustration out on people seems like a release. But it's not. And every person has a choice. Choose a sucky attitude, one that repulses people and either hurts them, or sends them running. Or you can choose to look past the circumstance and have a good positive attitude. One that sets an example and raises the bar for those around you. So go ahead and raise the bar… really really high!
Dear Future Racers: Bring bug spray, multiple types and multiple bottles. The picture below shows the collection in our room… we usually wear 2 at a time.
So a side note… this was most definitely a spiritual attack. A bunch of my teammates had been sitting barely 15 feet away and never got bit… even once. And since then I have done laundry and never got bitten. The things spoken over me for this month are a whole other story, but pretty intense and awesome, and having this happen the first day of the month and the first day of ministry was no coincidence. For my friends and family, please continue praying me and for my team.
