This is the second of a multi-week series of what God is teaching me through my enneagram. I recently learned that I am a 2w1, but am continuously reminded that that label does not define me, but through it, God is teaching me deeper into who I truly am through Him.
2. He told me I am a lover.
I love people. I love relationships. I love diving deep into what makes people who they are and why they do what they do. I just love friends. This may seems like – well duh, everyone loves friends – but one thing I’m learning is that it is a characteristic very unique to twos to go way deeper than just surface level. Twos love making sure their people are okay. Twos will fight to the end for their people. If one of my friends or family members is not okay – I’m not okay. If one of my friends needs me, I’m there. There is honestly not much that I would not do for those close to me. God has given me a passion to love purely and love genuinely. He has given me a heart to see the unseen and hear the unheard. He has broken my heart for the poor in spirit.
Though I am learning that this love is truly a gift from God and giving it generously is a command from Him, I often find myself supporting others at the expense of myself. The backside weakness of this quality is martyrdom. Though in the right context this is actually a spiritual gift (coincidentally just happens to be my number 1…???), for the wrong relationship this is very dangerous. If one gives away their life (literally or metaphorically) for Christ, then that is amazing and praise God. BUT if one gives away their life helping others when God is NOT ASKING us to, then that can become very harmful in the end for all parties involved.
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31
I was discussing this verse with some of my teammates this morning because we all had different interpretations of it. I was always taught that one receives true joy by applying the acronym J-O-Y (Jesus, others, yourself). This means that the first and most important person you should love is Jesus, others, then yourself. This application produces selflessness, self-sacrificial love, and exaltation of Jesus above all else. However, I noticed that a few of my teammates began saying to always love Jesus, then yourself, then others. This application produces self-sufficiency, self-love, and again, the exaltation of Jesus above all else. At first I thought that this second way of living was selfish and self-exalting. I asked my team about this very question and we realized a new interpretation of the verse. It says “love your neighbor as yourself”. Not above yourself, not after yourself, but as yourself – meaning you should love your neighbor and yourself on the same level. You can’t love others well if you yourself are not being poured into, but if you pour into yourself more than others then it produces an over-independence from community and those around you.
What this means for me: my needs matter too, but not above others.
The thing about loving people unconditionally is that that has to apply to yourself too. I will love people day in and day out and forget to take even a minute to love myself. I often catch myself holding back from truly opening up to people because of the fear of being a burden or unloved in return. To combat this lie, the Lord has really been teaching me that trust is okay and to make sure I’m being taken care of too. The reality that my pride does not like to admit is that I cannot effectively pour out when I have nothing to give. This means: open up, let others carry my burdens too, cry with others, and keep loving others – but love myself too.
My enneagram reminded me my passion to love others, but shined a light on the struggle I have at loving myself. The good news: I have a pretty amazing Father that loves to remind me how to do just that.
