This is the first of a multi-week series of what God is teaching me through my enneagram. I recently learned that I am a 2w1, but am continuously reminded that that label does not define me, but through it, God is teaching me deeper into who I truly am through Him.
He told me I am a leader.
Over the course of the last month, I have realized that my idea of a leader has become very tainted. When I think of a leader, I think of a president. I think of a squad leader. I think of a CEO. What I don’t think of is a follower. I don’t think of the one cleaning up after everyone left. I don’t think of think of the one staying quiet and just listening. Most of my life, I thought leaders had to be the first – the ones carrying the group. But the Lord reminded me of a phrase from before I went to launch: “you don’t need a title to be a leader”. Leaders are more than just the ones out in front leading towards a direction, but also the ones coming from behind making sure no one gets left behind. They are also the ones who step out of the spotlight and into others’ depths to fight alongside them.
I set out for World Race with hopes and excitements for the new opportunity of leadership the “Lord” had in store for me. People had prophesied leadership over me for several months prior and I felt like the season of learning to be a follower of the Lord before a leader of people was coming to a close. I was so ready to lead.
Then the Lord told me I wasn’t going to be the position I was so sure He had just confirmed.
I was upset. I thought I misheard God or didn’t hear Him at all. My idea of what my race was going to look like was flipped upside down.
Mistake: never live with expectations.
Once I set aside my pride, my expectations, and my attitude of deserving something I realized that the Lord had been very specific in that I would be a leader for my team. He had confirmed it through prophecies over me, and yet I didn’t believe Him because it wasn’t how I wanted it to look or in my time frame. I am a leader for my team, just not in how I had originally thought. Instead, I lead from behind the scenes by checking up on my squad mates, making sure everything is clean after others have left, living a life of integrity and honor instead of just speaking it, etc.
How this relates to the enneagram:
My type 2 personality goes down the pathway of disintegration when stressed and overwhelmed and becomes an unhealthy 8. When I begin striving to be someone I’m not (aka wanting to be an 8 – the leader), I force things and try to make them happen in my own will and my own power. That’s when my internal world falls apart. This happens because God didn’t make me to be an 8; He made me to be a 2. He made me to be a leader, but from behind. He made me to be a trailblazer, but through humility. To be clear, just because I’m not an 8, doesn’t mean I’m not a leader, it just means I need to let go and let God. It means I need to loosen my grip and just live in the fullness of who God made me to be, not who I want to be.
God gave me a gift to lead, but through my enneagram, He is showing me that leaders come in many different forms and to quit striving to be something I’m not. If I’m striving for different gifts and strengths, then I am neglecting the ones He has already given me and that is something I never want to do. He gave me a gift to love the least of these and speak for the silent, not shout from a pedestal.
Therefore, I am a two, but God says I am also a leader.
John answered, “It’s not possible for a person to succeed—I’m talking about eternal success—without heaven’s help. John 3:27
