Y’all, I don’t tend to be very open about my personal life on social media, but this is SO important to my story and how God opened the door for me to go on the World Race. I want to share some things about how good and sovereign our God is. So here it goes!
My wedding was supposed to be on December 17, 2017. I had my dress picked out, the down payment on the venue, bridesmaids asked, colors and caterers chosen, and we were into the year countdown to the day I was going to marry my high school sweetheart. In short, I had my life planned. I knew what I wanted and what I thought was going to bring me the life abundant God wanted for me.
But one of the myriad of the really cool things about God is that He seems to constantly be changing our plans for His glory and to demonstrate His perfection. Sometimes that is incredibly painful in the moment, and it can be overwhelmingly frustrating. Let me tell you guys, last year was a rough one at times. Thank Jesus for Meg Huff for bringing me Chick-Fil-A in my dorm bed for a solid semester, because sometimes the Lord’s chicken nugs were needed affirmations that He is endlessly good on days I had a hard time remembering that. Back to the point: Having my engagement called off was a doozy, but MAN did God show up!
Let’s back up a bit. When I was in high school, the World Race popped up. I saw a video on it, was immediately drawn to it. Then, a super rad woman of the Lord who was majorly influential in my early walk with Jesus (*coughcough* Anissa Lotti, you rock) followed the Lord’s call on her life to go to the ends of the earth (Acts 1:8) through the Race. Seeing her walk in faithfulness to the Lord through this ministry continued to fuel my desire to go. As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I ignored the call to international missions, putting my relational desires and academic pursuits as top priorities. Yet, about four months into my engagement, I remember acknowledging my sadness over the missed opportunity for missions, thinking, “well, that’s what love is. It’s sacrificing. I can do ministry where I am.” (Which is totally true; ministry needs are everywhere!)
I also remember during my engagement, there was a moment of unease when I was listening John Mark and Sarah McMillan’s “King of My Heart.” There is a line in the song that repeats: “You’re never going to let me down.” I was in tears, and honestly in that moment I couldn’t tell you why. I think I knew that what I had planned and longed for for so many years was not what He wanted for me, and His promise to not let me down was going to result in a lot of heartbreak for me. When things started getting a little rocky in the relationship, I prayed boldly 1) for us to get through it and 2) for His will to be done.
And WHOA, God delivers. He answers bold prayers for His will to be done, even when it’s painful, confusing, and disorienting. I’m not going to go into the nitty gritty details, because they don’t seem relevant right now; but what I want to share with you guys is that God is constantly faithful and abundantly good. I’m not going to sugarcoat things; there were moments last year when I was pretty mad and heartbroken at the feet of Jesus because I didn’t understand how it was in His will for my marriage to be called off.
Jesus said both “yes” and “no” to that first prayer; we obviously did not get through it as a unit, but He got us through as individuals. But so much more importantly, His will is being done in my life. In His goodness, He placed some gems in my life to build me up and encourage me to continue dwelling and resting in the arms of Jesus, waiting for Him to show me why He let the relationship be broken. Seriously, my friends and family are superstars and I am so thankful. And in His timing, He presented the World Race to me again. This time, I wasn’t going to make excuses.
Sweet friends, our Father is not going to let us down. In some circumstances, it sure feels like it, but I cannot express to you how thankful I am that He has me where I am right now. This season of rest, of preparation, and of confidence in who He is as my provider and the founder of my worth has been one of the best of my life. His ways sure are better and higher than mine, and my heart is so glad to have you all walking alongside me and supporting me through this new journey.
