Here I am, sitting at a coffee shop in Kampala, Uganda, and realizing that in one week the craziest, hardest, most beautiful year of my life will be over.
In one week, I will be sleeping in a queen bed. In one week, I will be taking hot showers (and regularly). In one week, I will be hugging the friends and family that my heart aches for. In one week, I will be eating kale again. In one week, I will get my hair cut and highlighted. In one week, I will drive a car. In one week, I will wash my clothes in a washing machine, and then use a dryer. In one week, I will have more than four shirts to choose from. In one week, I’ll be drinking regular coffee instead of Nescafe. In one week, I won’t wake up beside the multitudes of friends that have become my family.
In one week, I will be living like an American… with comforts, amenities, stability, a roof over my head, familiar and healthy food, clean clothes, a tv, a car, a gym and surrounded by all my stuff that has been accumulated over twenty-seven years.
I will soon be going through another huge life change but instead of embarking on an adventure full of unknowns, I am traveling back into the familiar. As I sip my Ugandan coffee, I begin to wonder, will the puzzle still fit together like it did before or has this unconventional life made me a round peg that’s about to try and fit back into a square hole?
This thought sends a shiver down my spine and fills me with heaviness, but I’m not sure why. I do miss my family, I do miss my friends, I do miss kale – but how do I go back to the old when I feel so new? My eyes have been opened to how incredibly tragic, authentic, beautiful, heart-wrenching, unfair, untapped and divine this world we live in is and somehow, I don’t know how to take the new me back into my old life.
I realize Jesus probably has something to say about these new emotions I’m carrying around Uganda, so I turn to Matthew. In Matthew 9:17, Jesus is asked why he and his disciples act differently than most church-goers of that day and age. He replies by saying, “No one puts new wine into old wineskins. For the old skins would burst from the pressure, spilling the wine and ruining the skins. New wine is stored in new wineskins so that both are preserved.”
In this passage, Jesus is referring to the upcoming change in the Christian landscape now that the Messiah has come (aka him). With his life, Jesus breaks humanity out of the old and starts a new way to follow the Lord – because his upcoming crucifixion will allow followers to carry the Holy Spirit with them, always.
So, why is this verse applicable to me right now and how is it going to help me thrive in America the same way I have thrived during my life abroad? I think the Lord is trying to tell me that I’m new now, but in the best way possible. I am new wine, and I can’t just plop myself back into the old wineskin because I will burst from all the pressure.
Wait a second… burst from all the pressure. It’s not exactly encouraging to think of myself going back to Atlanta and having a breakdown because I’m trying to squeeze my new self back into my old wineskin. That’s obviously not ideal, but how do I create new skin and what does that even look like?
It will likely be a trial and error learning process, but I think it starts with appreciation. I think it’s a life that does not pursue over-indulgence, a life that gives more than it takes. A life that enjoys all the blessings the Lord has given me but is not afraid to share those blessings with others. A story that is highlighted with pages of building people up instead of tearing them down. And above all, a life that turns to the truth of the Lord’s Word for answers over what emotionally charged moments tell me. I am hopeful that my time in South America, Asia, Eastern Europe and Africa has filled me with lessons that will never be forgotten and as I acclimate back into American culture, that I experience and see everything just a little bit differently than I did before.
I hope to enter the United States the same Amy my friends and family know and love, but with a new depth, new eyes and an upgraded wineskin, manufactured through wisdom gained over eleven months’ time.
So, how do I feel about going home?
I’m thrilled. I’m terrified. I’m anxious with anticipation. I’m ecstatic. I’m curious. I’m comforted. I’m disjointed. I’m all the feels, all the things and ready or not I’ll be walking through the Atlanta airport in TEN DAYS.
Sending a heartfelt I love you message to all of you reading these words <3
One day, the disciples of John the Baptist came to Jesus and asked him, “Why don’t your disciples fast like we the Pharisees do?” Jesus replied, “Do wedding guests mourn while celebrating with the groom? Of course not. But someday the groom will be taken away from them, and they will fast. Besides, who would patch old clothing with new cloth? For the new patch would shrink and rip away from the old cloth, leaving an even bigger tear than before. And no one puts new wine into old wineskins. For the old skins would burst from the pressure, spilling the wine and ruining the skins. New wine is stored in new wineskins so that both are preserved.” Matthew 9:14-17
