As of today I am only 16 days away from being back home and in a completely different season of life than I have been in for the last 11 months. This morning I was reading in Mark 9:49 a very short verse that stood out to me. Jesus is speaking to his disciples about the power of His name and those who operate under His name just before this. Then He says “for everyone will be tested with fire.” By all means, this is no light and easy topic. As I reflect on this season that is quickly coming to a close whether I like it or not, I can honestly say it is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do. There were months I was put through hell. There were months I felt as if I was standing on the mountain top next to Jesus! And there was everything in between. Aside from all of the circumstances I faced out here, leaving behind my loving family and boyfriend, my amazing friends, and my comfort of stability was the hardest part of it all. These days I find myself daydreaming about all my favorite meals and restaurants I get to enjoy again very soon. I dream about seeing my loved ones again for the first time. I even catch myself imagining all the colors, sounds, and smells of my home and familiar places. If I continue in honesty, this month is by far the most challenging and stretching of this whole journey! It’s as if my heart is being pulled in two different directions!! My passion, love, and joy to be out here on the field serving Jesus is still so alive and well, yet my longing and excited heart to be with my loved ones again is like standing in a fire! This season isn’t quite over and the next season isn’t quite here. It’s so close I can smell it but not yet taste it.
Saying I was tested in this season is an understatement. When I’m at ministry I am so excited to be there! I get to love on the sweet children and serve alongside the Lord and what He is doing here. But every second I am away my heart, as well as my body, aches to be home. It’s a true test to turn to the Lord for strength and steadfastness.
Today as I continued reading in Mark 9, Jesus went on to say “salt is good for seasoning. But if it loses it flavor, how do you make it salty again? You must have the qualities of salt among yourselves and live in peace with each other.” I thought to myself we are seasoned by fire, or improved with trials. Our lives taste better and we appreciate them more after a tough season! When trials are added to our lives we seem to be stronger, more passionate, and understand the Father deeper after being put through fire.
In my day dreaming, I look forward to a nice home cooked steak and potatoes. The smell of seasoned meat on the grill out back, the whole family home on a perfect summer night, is not in my so distant future. But without a good salt rub, or a blazing fire under the grill the stake would just be a raw, unappealing piece of meat. Much like with our faith, we are to be seasoned and put through a fire; we are to be transformed from raw and unappealing, to tougher and more appealing. Ultimately, we are to give off a Christ-like aroma. In this fire, I remind myself that this aching for home will only last another two weeks, but returning home may bring longing to be on the field again. I may begin to miss this season I am standing in this exact breath.
Lord, I pray that as I go home, that through the trials and fiery seasons I have walked through, they have made me stronger in faith, tougher in spirit, and a more appealing picture of Christ. I pray that even the hard seasons I have faced on the field are only the beginning of trials and tribulations I face for Your great and Holy name. May I remain salty. Strengthen me to be tested even greater than before, so that I may trust You, seek You, know You, and love You deeper than I do now. Thank you for trusting me enough to serve you, follow you, and share Your love to all the nations. Allow my face to be as brilliant as Moses’s was when he came down from the mountain. I ask You Lord to give me a new understanding of presence and to remain present. Thank You Jesus. I love You! Amen.
