“So… What are your plans after graduation?”
This is the haunting question that every senior in college is asked relentlessly. When you aren’t feeling your major anymore and the finish line is directly in sight, you become less and less insecure about the answer, “That’s a great question.” There were so many options and it seemed as though every day I was changing my mind. Should I go to grad school for Audiology? Should I explore Special Education? Do I want to be a social worker? Should I just be a barista until I figure it out? Any of those options were valid.
In the back of my mind though, there was always the thought, “If I could do anything? I would do missions. Learn to live my life for Christ and travel the world. Nothing is better than that.” But that’s when fear would creep in, telling me “No way would God use you for something like that. Just do what you know will be comfortable for you. Don’t be that typical Christian that wants to do missions.”
Sadly, that voice of fear was the strongest influence in my mind for the longest time. That is, until right after New Years when I talked to my grandma. She was one of the first people I confided in about wanting to pursue missions next year, but telling her that was more idealistic than realistic. That’s when she asked me, “Why? God gives you certain passions and desires for you life, and you shouldn’t dismiss that.” Woah. Why didn’t that register until that moment? Why aren’t I pursuing this?
I truly believe God used her to speak to me in that moment, saying “Trust me. I want to use you for this purpose. Don’t dismiss me.”
As I was praying about this conversation the next day, a conversation I had over a year ago with a friend popped into my head. I remember her telling me about her cousin who went on this really cool 11 month-missions-adventure thing called the World Race. While doing some research, I suddenly got an overwhelming sense of peace and purpose. I applied that afternoon and a few short weeks after was offered a position.
Woah woah woah but wait. God are you sure? I think I’d like to go back to that unsure yet seemingly stable place I was in about a month ago. I just want to do what I want to do: find a good comfortable job in a good comfortable place with good comfortable people.
God never promised me a life of comfort. He promised that a life with Him would be full of change, growth and transformation. Sometimes, well most of the time, it will be painful and uncomfortable.
In Exodus 3:14, God says to Moses “I Am Who I Am.”
God never changes. He always keeps his promises. He will never leave me or forsake me. He is always faithful, loving and good. My opinions and emotions may be all over the place, multiple times daily. But thankfully we have a God who is the I AM. We will always be able to anchor our souls to a loving God that will never change. And during this time of fear of what is to come and the change that is inevitable, I am so incredibly thankful for the security of our steadfast God.
