In this whole process I have been so impatient to get things going. I have to raise $18,000. I can’t be patient. I have to get things moving and now!
But God has other plans.
On October 6th I was accepted to the World Race. On that same day I was told that they would like for me to consider changing my route to an expedition route that would leave a lot earlier. I took the week to pray about it and by the 13th I had decided that I would be leaving in April. That made the trip 6 months away.
I was so excited and ready to go and start raising money. Only problem, there is more work I had to do behind the scenes before they could set up my online giving. And to top it off the person who had been helping me was out of town and was no longer the person who was supposed to help me.
Without my blog being set up I can’t give people a way to get money for my trip. I can’t give people a way to follow me. I can’t use it as an option to get people more interested in my trip to get more funds. I NEED THIS DONE NOW!
I was sitting at my desk at work 10 days after making the decision to change my route. 2 days after I was told that I was going to get a call to go over the last bits I needed in order to process everything through and I was mad. I even told one of my coworkers how mad I was at these people for not getting things together and at least not giving me a realistic expectation of when things would be done. And that’s when God did His thing like He does and showed me that it’s ok that I have to wait.
One of my coworkers came up to me and asked “Amy, you said you did Paypal right”?
“Yeah, I do Paypal. Why”?
“I’m just checking something out on here” he said. “What’s your Paypal email”?
I gave him my Paypal email and didn’t think much about it. A little later on in the morning I checked my email looking for something else and there it was, an email from Paypal. The email was alerting me to the fact that my coworker had just sent me money with a note letting me know this was for my trip.
Here I was mad that I couldn’t get money for my trip and here God was showing me how wrong I was. I don’t need my blog. I don’t need my online giving link. I just need God. He is the one who is going to get me the funds I need. I just needed to stop stressing about it and let Him do what he does best. J
And I did just this. For a day. And then I found myself upset all over again. I have little to no time and I have little to no money! What am I going to do?!?
Again God needed me to hear that He’s got it. Only this time He did it at church. The title of the sermon on Sunday: Faith in Gear can Wait. I saw that and knew right away it was God telling me to be patient.
My pastor talked about how trusting in God builds faith and faith is our greatest opportunity to please Him. Here patience is my way to show God that I trust in Him and I’m falling short. Good thing God is ok with me not being all together.
So again, I put on my big girl pants and decided to be patient. I told myself, “You can wait. You can be patient. It’s going to be ok.”
And again, this lasted for about a day. There have been several other times since then that God keeps showing me that He’s got it. And every time I tell myself “Ok, I’m good. No need to panic. It’s going to work out.” And every time my humanity takes over and I cave to anxiety.
Just today, I told a stranger about my trip and she out of nowhere said “God is going to provide and give you all you need.” He keeps showing me it’s going to work out. It’s too bad that the sin nature of the world lets anxiety creep in every chance it gets.
Even with all the anxiety I will continue to cling to God and follow where he has called me. And if it takes forever I will continue to trust in Him, anxiety and all.
Lamentation 3:22-26
22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end;23 they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.24 “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.”
25 The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.26 It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.
