If you know me…you know I can be loud. I am a verbal processor and test right on the line of extravert/introvert. Well, at training camp I definitely leaned towards the introvert side. I didn’t even realize it but God was preparing my heart even before I left for camp.
For a month or so before camp started I was at a weird spot emotionally. I was feeling like I didn’t fit in Atlanta anymore and questioning who I was. I felt like I had become awkward and wasn’t sure why. Was I having a personality crisis or what, I didn’t understand what was going on in my head. So because of this new feeling I started to become quieter; which that alone is an awkward feeling for me since I have been loud my whole life. That brings us to training camp.
I didn’t even realize that being accepted by others was an issue for me anymore. I went through that phase a while ago and I thought I was at peace with who I am. I had a hard time at camp at first because I was dealing with acceptance issues. Then it hit me…Christ was quieting my spirit so I could realize my acceptance came only from Him. Once the light bulb went off in my head I felt at peace with this issue and could relax and be myself. But I was still in quiet mode. It all came together for me on my birthday.
April 9th, my birthday, was one of my favorite nights at camp. We had a bonfire and a huge log laying across it that represented the bridge that we wanted/needed to burn in our life. At this point I don’t think I had said anything out loud to the whole group. Everyone was confessing the things in their life that they needed to lay down. I finally had reached my point of surrender and proclaimed what I needed to lay down. The chains of religion. I proclaimed that just because I hadn’t seen God/Holy Spirit work in different ways, doesn’t mean that it isn’t true. I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit and He filled me with His love and acceptance at that moment. It was an empowering night. I truly felt like I was becoming the woman of God that I have been called to be.
I realized that God was quieting my spirit so I could see and hear Him in new ways. I didn’t need to be my normal verbal processor just yet. God wanted me to just shut up so I could be open to new things and seeing Him in a new and powerful way. The funny thing is that once I realized this I came to life. I started to be open to the Spirit and not afraid of the unknown. This whole year is stepping out into the unknown. I say bring it God. I am ready to experience you in new ways, to see your truth, and to dwell in your presence.
“But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD” Joshua 24:15
Men and women of God, it is time to RISE UP and answer you’re calling.
We are the generation where change can happen.
