Vietnam…a country I literally never imagined myself in. Obviously God had other plans. I am on month 3 of the race and every time I think I that I have reached the ultimate level of where God is calling me, I get knocked back down to the bottom again. I will never ‘be there.’ There is always more that God wants to offer us.
This month, God has been speaking His truth into me, of being at peace with where I am. I see ‘The Ultimate Christians’ and I want to be where they are. I want to hear God’s voice as they are. I want to know what God has planned for me after the race. I want, I want, I want…blah, blah, blah! Uggg it is tiring to always want more and to not be content.
My squad mate Ashley told us a week ago or so how she cannot doubt the Lord’s work in her past and in the present but that she fears that the future will be possibly weird, bad, or something she wouldn’t want. She realized that God has always been in her past and present and why wouldn’t He be in her future as well. She is learning to trust that God has it all under His control.
She spoke the words of my heart that night. I too cannot deny that God has always taken care and guided me in my past and present, why do I think He will not be in future also. This is a topic God has had to revisit with me many times and I still have to choose to trust that God will guide me. I choose to trust. I choose to surrender. God has more for me than I could have ever imagined for myself…I choose His path, His future, His will.
The night we went to battle on behalf of our hotel and Vietnam, my squad spoke truth into me. Before we began a night of prayer we prayed over people on our squad who needed to hear God’s truth. I had been telling God, almost as a challenge (challenge the almighty…yeah right), that I needed to hear His truth from people on my squad. That I needed to hear His words for me but I wanted them to come without asking for them. Well Mrs. Tara Bruce called me up for prayer knowing that I needed it. My squad told me I was His beloved (which also is the meaning of my name), that I have a place on this squad and in my team, that God has a plan for me, that I have a role that only I can fill, for me to love Christ first, and so much more goodness. AHHHHHH I needed that. I needed to hear from God from those around me that I was loved. That I was right where I am supposed to be. Sweet goodness to my soul.
So here I am in Vietnam learning again that I am under God’s wings of comfort. It’s good stuff. I don’t want you to think that I am not seeing or experiencing the darkness of this place, because I am. I have never before in my life been somewhere I can literally feel the spiritual darkness weighing me down. Satan has been attacking my squad in many different ways. But I have always been the glass is half full type of girl, I see that more true than ever here. I choose to see the works God is doing here in myself and in Vietnam. I choose to go to battle for those who can’t. I choose to believe that God has Vietnam under HIS wings and this country as a whole one day will see that too.
I choose in.
My teammate Josh Markland just wrote a great blog about letting go of his future plans and giving them to God. Basically the male version of my blog. READ IT!
