I have to
apologize for my delay in bloging. I haven’t had much access to the internet
and really I did not have anything that I wanted to talk about. Yesterday I
realized that I have been letting one of my defense mechanisms control me. This
transition into Asia has been long and tiring and I have been operating in my
shut down mode. When I get overwhelmed and now I realize in transition that by shutting
down it is easier to deal with change. I just go along with the motions and
hope for the best. Didn’t work out so well honestly.
I am sitting here
in our hotel, which also operates as a brothel on the 1st floor
(more about that in a bit). I had to stay back today from ministry because
yesterday I had a high fever and I need to rest today and get it all out of my
system. So with all this unexpected time I think that is God’s way of pushing
me in the rear to finally decide to choose in today. So here goes. 
Leaving Nicaragua
was the hardest thing I have had to do yet on this trip. I fell madly in love
with those kids and the last thing I wanted to do was leave them and not know
if I would ever see them again. The tears ran pretty non-stop that 1st
day we left. I think from there I decided (without truly realizing it) that it
was easier to just shut my emotions down for a while and operate on cruise
control. By doing that it has been harder trying to start fresh here in Asia.
But that’s what this year is about…loving and letting it change us but also
leaving to love the next. My team joked at the end of our time at Cicrin that
Seth (founder of the World Race) was playing a cruel joke on us. He wants us to
choose in, give our whole hearts, and fall in love with the people and then
leave. WHAT?!?! Seems ridiculous. But this is not your average mission trip.
How truly privileged am I that I get to go all over the freakin world and share
Christ’s love and good news. But the best part is the hardest part. I am
falling in love. I am falling in love with the children of Mexico and Nicaragua
and the university students in Vietnam. I do not know if I will ever see them
again…but it is worth it. Because they have changed me, they have opened my
eyes. I am seeing through Christ’s eyes.
At debrief God
called our squad out on not being unified. Since then we have been learning more
about truly coming together and worshipping as a family. In those moments I
have truly come to life. I am learning to let go of what I should look like or
how I should act during worship. I am learning to truly let the Spirit guide me
and worship freely in that. God is giving me a confidence in that and I am
grateful. Two days ago was the 1st time I spoke aloud to the squad
what I felt the Spirit speaking to me. When we started worshipping I saw
Christ’s heart there in our room beating and beating strong. Then I saw all the
veins coming out of it flowing all over this hotel all over this city. But there
worshiping the Lord was the center of His heart. We have been praying for God
to get our armor dirty and here we are in a hotel/brothel diving in. Please note that we were not aware of this before we came here, but confidently know that this is where God is calling us. We are in no immediate danger. The night
before last we had prayer all night long. People signed up for different hours
to pray over this place and our ministry. The next morning we all seemed to be
in a funk and lethargic. I know that was just Satan trying to place his spirit
over us and discourage us. Well, it is not welcome and I send it straight back
to hell in the name of Jesus Christ.
God is asking of
us more this month. Before we even got here we knew that we were going to be
attacked but that God was bigger than that and had big works planned. Right now
my squad is ministering to AIDS patients, college students, and a couple of
other places. Since being here we have already seen people come to know the
Lord and declare Him Savior of their lives. That’s why I choose in, that’s why
I decide to push through the hard times because God is bigger and better than
anything I have ever known. It is time the world believes that as well.
